Melissa...'s Journal

Grief of Losing My Husband

They say that everything happens for a reason. Your death has been something that I've had a really, really hard time trying to find a reason for. Last night I lay in bed, and I was thinking about some good things that have come about since you passed away. Granted, I'd have chosen a different path if it were up to me instead of losing you, but regardless, here are a few good things that have happened.

First and foremost I believe Damon has truly learned the value of life. As you know he was really struggling with a lot of things, and now I think he doesn't take his life for granted anymore. He's experienced the pain of losing someone very close to him, and I think he knows now that he can't ever purposely put his family through something like that again. Sometimes I feel like your life was a sacrifice for his, and I want you to know that it hasn't gone unnoticed.

People that were once lost to me have now grown closer. I didn't talk to my best friend for four years, but after you passed, she was one of the first people at your visitation, and she's been a huge comfort to me since. She's always been one of those people that can make me laugh even in the worst of times. I need that desperately right now.

Others have also drawn closer to me and the kids. Friends and family that always thought we were too busy to hang out with them before, are making it a point to involve us in their lives. I feel guilty, but we were so wrapped up in each other that sometimes we didn't make time for others as much as we should have. It's good to surround myself with people right now. I need all of the help I can get.

Losing someone you love also makes you appreciate each and every second with those that you have left. You truly realized what matters and what doesn't. A clean house, good looks, money, nice things, ...all things I valued before really mean nothing now. My kids and my memories are the world to me, and nothing else matters.  I feel like our entire family remembers to say "I love you" a lot more. You just never know when it's going to be the last time that you get to say it.

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Nov. 23, 2010 at 5:58 PM


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Nov. 24, 2010 at 3:46 AM

The death of a loved one certainly does change and shift so many things and it changes one's whole outlook on life.   I have found the same thing happening, there is a closeness with family and friends that wasn't there before.  One gets so wrapped up in oneself as a couple, especially when the relationship is so special, that one is just happy to be together and don't really feel the need for outside intervention.  That changes totally when one partner passes, suddenly people who one hardly had any contact with,  all pull together and become your support system and not only you, but they are changed forever as well.  Yes, it's so true, one realizes just how trivial some things were that one used to value and now what really counts and is important.  I'm really glad that Damon looks at life differently now and that you have gained some comfort in the fact that from Tim's passing, you have all learned some valuable life lessons.  It will never take away from the fact that had you had a choice, you would NEVER, NEVER have wanted to lose Tim just to learn these lessons but as it was not in your hands and you now have to deal with the great loss, it's beneficial to you that you can extract some good from it.   From loss, we learn how fragile life is, how quickly it can be taken and how important it is to value every minute we have and to tell those we love how much they mean to us.  Much strength and hugs Melissa xxx

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