So I'm back at it again. I had a pretty bad last night, but in a way I'm glad I did because I needed to feel that way in order for me to focus and realize that the way I was eating continues to be a problem for me. Like always, I will do good for a pair of weeks...hey one time it even was a couple months, but then my habits will go back into the dirt.

I have slowly been thinking about the idea that DH will resort to another female, though I can't help but think that he already has thought about the idea...maybe even pictured a much more attractive female when we're having sex. I don't like the idea. It sickens me!

I'm pretty fed up with this yo-yoing that has been going on for my 22 1/2yrs of life. It has been a constant battle and no life-style change has ever fully stuck. The most I have seen was when I was having gallbladder problems, again due to my prolonged poor eating habits, and sadly right after I had DD. It's kinda ironic how I weighed a whole lot less after I gave birth than what I did before I got pregnant. I weighed around 190lbs when DD was conceived and weighed 170lbs about 1 month after DD was born.

Well, I decided that what I was feeling last night was complete BS. I was feeling a bunch of headaches, stiff neck, spasms in my shoulder, a heavy heart beat...all this due to a binge I had. It's crazy how much food I can just stuff in my mouth...uncontrollable. I now know what addiction is. I always question how could people become addicted to alcohol, shopping, drugs, etc. What could those people possible feel when they get that "instant urge"? I've been knowing all along.

It's not fair to DH and DD that I do this to myself. I have been watching what I eat today and I need to get up to go to workouts in the A.M. before work. I know it will not be easy at first, but like many times in the past...I want to make this lifestyle change.

I just hope this time I actually stick with it.

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Comments:

knagsmom
Nov. 23, 2010 at 4:16 PM

best of luck. cause i know its hard. i was 210 when ds was born and 200 when dd was born. i have struggled losing the weight too. i walk alot with the kids just to be outside and it helps. im slowy doing it. and i know u can too

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