This is for all the ladies who have quit, have attempted to quit, have quit for an amount of time and then gone back, and to those who just don't think they cant or will never be able to do it.
I'm not saying I will be able to. Lord knows these past few days have been worse than hell and I've relapsed like four times already (its only been two days lol) but dammnit I'm going to try and try again and try some more and will do it as many times as it takes until I beat this addiction. It may take weeks months years, but one day it is going to happen. And so, ladies I present to you my diary of quitting cigarettes cold turkey. No patch. No gum. No chantix. None of it. Just me, and a little good old fashion will power. Oh- and maybe a little positive reinforcement from you all ;)

Before we begin, a little background on me, the extent of this disgusting habit, and my reasons for wanting to quit it. For good.
I picked up my first cig at the age of 13. It was summer time, and I would be turning 14 that september. I would also be starting 8th grade in september as well. All of my friends were already smoking. I was the only one out of my "little circle" who wasn't. I remember being offered one on may different occassions and saying no. Before I started, I remember going to the mall with a few of my girlfriends and them going outside for a smoke break. For some strange reason, in my 13 year old mind that seemed soooooo cool. After that day, I wanted to be one of those girls outside of the mall smoking a ciggarette. And thus, began my new found love affair with newports. my mom smoked, so they were easy to get. Also, there were plenty of stores I could buy them from. By the middle of 8th grade, I was completely hooked. Highschool comes and by then I couldn't even fathom going the whole day without a ciggarette. By the time I turned 18, I had graduated and began college. Never once considering quitting. Then I find out I'm pregnant and having twins. I know I need to quit, and am cutting back. A few days later the morning sickness kicks in and one morning while having a ciggarette, I puke everywhere. That was all it took, I quit that day. No withdraw, no cravings, I was just.....done. I stayed smoke free my entire pregnancy and until my boys were about seven months old. Then, one day I had one. And that was that.....5 years later im smoking almost a pack a day. I'm still in school and am going to be a respiratory therapist (the irony huh?) My pap died from asbestosis, my kids have asthma, and I'm over this. I don't want to be wrinkly and sick and I don't want my boys to smoke. I'm tired of the smell. I'm tired of revolving my life around being able to smoke. I'm just tired of this prison. Its time. I'm 24 years old and about a decade in, this is not normal, healthy or right. I need to do this. I need to succeed at this. I will eventually be happy and smoke free.

So here it is, a summary of day one and two:
Sunday 10:00 pm, november 21, 2010. I decide to quit smoking. Tomorrow seems good, so that's what I'll do. I will wake up tomorrow and that'll be that. I know it'll be a rough 72 hours but I'm up for it. Smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke. Hey, tomorrow I'm done right? The anxiety of it all is killing me. The thought, just the though, of not smoking is a killer. But, nevertheless, 1 am I smoke my last one, and off to bed I go.
The "real" day one, Monday november 22, 2010
I wake up at 8 am, normal routine with kids in school, feeling....okay. excited, a little nervous, but very determined. I tell my boys I'm qutting, and am going to need them to help me out by trying to be on their best behavior, that that would help mommy so much. I have talked to them about how awful smoking is, so they kind of get it. They're very happy for me and are willing and even excited that they can "help". We get ready, eat, I only have a small mild craving at this point, but I'm thinking that this isn't so bad. Was I wrong! By 9:00 I am borderline DYING, and about two steps away from saying eff all of this. My heart is racing, my chest is on fire and my stomache is turning. I pace, drink grape juice, rock back and forth. Start getting ready for work (this is all after the kids are at school, and I am due in to work at 11am) I puke up the grape juice. Cry. And then get in the car and go to work. At work I'm sweating and kind of shaking. I'm proud that I actually got to work without a ciggarette that's a big milestone for me. But by this point my stomache feels as if its trying to climb out of my mouth. Somehow, I make it through the work day and head out to get the kids. Driving there I start to feel very blurry and fatigued. Along with the churning stomache and cravings it is almost unbearable. I get the kids, am very snappy but we make it home. My boyfriend pisses me off once we get home and I want to hurt him. My chest is just thumping thumping and my whole body just aches! By then I'm at about 15 hours smoke free. But, its time to go to my evening class. I remember we have a test today. I cry the whole way there. I cave and take a puff. Its 6 pm and my 15 hours were for nothing. I'm dissapointed and will try again tomorrow.
Tuesday, november 23 2010 "day one.....again"
Get up at 8am....haven't had a cigg since the day before at 6pm, and feel like crap because last night I had to take a sleeping pill to refrain from smoking and bc the anxiety and withdraw won't let me sleep. But anyway its a new day and at this point I am already 14 hours in and its only 8am so I'm off to a good start. Get the kids to school. The withdraw symptoms seem worse, but I get to 10 am and tell myself I'm 16 hours in and that's almost a whole day so I can't stop now. I feel tingly today on top of all the other things from yesterday so I'm even more uncomfortable. I try to "embrace" my craves, that doesn't work. I try to watch the clock since they're only supposed to last 3 minutes but that seems to me like a bunch of bs because my craves are nonstop and all I can think about is having a ciggarette. I cry again. I curl up in a ball and try to make the feeling in my stomache go away and it doesn't. I shower, nope still sucks. I chew gum and suck on lollipops, still sucks. I eat a whole bag of baby carrots and drink tons of water but still there's nothing. By then its 1:30 pm and I'm 19 hours smoke free. The withdraw become unbearable. At 3:00 and 20 hours in, I cave.
So, I decide to change my technique. Today I will clean my entire house because when I clean I smoke. Today I will go to the grocery store and by food galore so I can stuff my face. I will rid my house of anything that might make me tempted and I will clean my car. Tonight I will finish all my homework for the week and tie up any loose ends that may cause me stress. Tonight I will tell my boyfriend he needs to take the kids to school in the morning so that I can sleep in because the longer I sleep tomorrow the less time I will be craving a ciggarette. Tonight I will smoke my last one and take a sleeping pill two hours later and then again around 2am. I will try my hardest to sleep tomorrow untill atleast 11 and when I wake up, I will eat a huge breakfeast and won't have any stresses from kids. Immediately after I will get dressed and go outside and run and walk for as long as I can. Ill keep a pack of gum everywhere. Then I will eat a huge lunch,shower and go to work (at 4) then when I get home I will go back to bed. By the time I wake up Thursday morning, I should be well over 24 hours smoke free and will take it from there. I just need to get through the first 24 hours and then plan for the next 24. One day at a time. Wish me luck.
I will update tomorrow.
Words of encouragment, suggestions and comments are more than appreciatted.
I hope I can do this.

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Comments:

Three...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 8:25 PM

Oh, good luck with quitting.  I KNOW how hard it is, and, despite trying to quit sevearl times, I am still smoking.  I have a terrible cold right now, which has settled in my chest.  I have smoked far longer than you, and how I wish I had quit when i was your age.  I wish you the best.

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2monk...
Nov. 23, 2010 at 11:20 PM Thank you! This is horrible! I'm sitting here now thinking of tomorrow bc now I know how much the whole day is guna suck and I feel it already. I need a miracle ;)

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chica...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 9:21 AM

I  quit cold turkey on   Nov 30  2007   hang in there   you can do it and honestly 

The only people I ever met who really quit and dont go back are the cold turkey quitters 

It is worth every horrible withdrawl moment to beat the demon   :)

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kconn...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 9:21 PM

good luck! i quit cold turkey and got pneumonia for two months. but it was worth it cause now i can breathe better than ever and now my baby has less of a chance of getting asthma like i have. the only way i got through it was doing different puzzles, it kept me from thinking about smoking all the time

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mom4j...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 11:44 PM

fingers crossedGood Luck! You can do this, you really can.I quit smoking (cold turkey) on Jan.19,2010, after smoking for over 30 years.I tried to quit many,many times.I think you have to just keep trying,one of these times you will get it right.Whatever works for you! I'll be thinking of you and sending good wishes.HUGS,Sherri

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2monk...
Nov. 26, 2010 at 10:52 PM Thank you all sooo soooo much! Ill be updating my journal on the progress this week. I haven't made it yet :( any other tips? I heard drinking orange juice mixed with something I can't remember what before u go to bed?? Any other "tricks"?

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Daemo...
Nov. 27, 2010 at 3:22 PM

Good luck to you. My husband and I have tried a few times over the past 6 months to quit. I totally understand how much it sucks. I feel like I'm being wound up into a tight ball and the longer I don't smoke the tighter it gets. It's a horrible feeling. We haven't managed to quit yet but we are going to keep trying. I don't have any tips for you but I think you are doing fantastic! *hugs*

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