Depression has been hitting me so hard lately where everyday I wake up and I immediately feel that sadness wash over me. I am more annoyed, angry and irritable from just the smallest things and I have been seeking solace in food (my usual addiction to give me a sense of happiness). I am not that determined woman I once was ready to workout 5x a week, eat the healthiest and continue on my weight loss path. I feel the weight creeping back up. Belly is definitely bigger and my size 10's are fitting a little too perfectly whereas before they were getting baggy. Just that small change and it scares the crap out of me because I don't want to get fat again. I worked so hard to lose 40lbs and with me because of my depression and addiction to food, it would become so easy to gain all of it back. But even though it scares me, it's not enough to stop overeating. So because of all these negatives going on, I went to my doctor today and asked for help. I have been dealing with depression on and off for 20yrs...WHOA! That's the first time I really did the math like that and that is shocking to me! Dealing with depression has almost felt "normal" to me because it has been "me" for so long but I can feel the difference this last yr has been where it has just gotten worse. This was also the first time I have ever spoken to a doctor about getting help. It felt a little weird because this was my first visit to her and I'm telling her something so personal and something that I have never shared the depths of except my husband & close girlfriend. Almost felt like she wouldn't take me serious. Anyway, she said she would test my thyroid first since that could be something that causes depression and if that was normal, then prescribe a mild medication and a referral for a pyschiatrist. It felt good that I finally spoke to someone who could help. I have insurance but there is so many out of pocket expenses still involved, I have no idea where we will get the finances to pay for any of this stuff but all I know is I can't keep putting it off anymore. I need real help and I'm tired of no one taking me serious enough, and feeling miserable and guilty for things that seem to be spiraling out of control. I just want to feel healthy...physically and emotionally. 

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Nov. 24, 2010 at 6:01 AM

*hugs* Getting help is the first step! I hope you get all the help you need to make yourself better.

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Dec. 7, 2010 at 7:52 PM

Good luck!

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