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I love all my family members even the ones who never talk to me like my dad.. i really wish he would remember who his blood kids where...I fell like he nolonger cairs about me or my sister or brother it is sad when we never get a christmas card or birthday card from him..I have sent him a birthday card every year and a christmas card too. I am getting tired of not getting one back what do you all think i should do? 

My mom and i got intoa fight a year ago because she got married to a guy before dumping the one she was still with and i told him what she did and mom clames thats the reasion she has not come out to see her grand son James is 2 now and the only reasion she is talking to me i think is because i am 3 months preganant with my second baby and she thinks she is going  to invite her self out here after this baby is born and she is wrong i am mad at her because she is going out to california to see my brothers chiled after it is born but she could not come see my son after he was born thats screwed up in my mind. What do you all think about all of this...

My brother is going to be a father this month to a baby girl. The big proboblem is that me my mom and my sister dont like his girl friend because she is making chris push his family away and we really dont like that i wish ome times that he had never met her because she has been mean to my sister , my mom and myself..  what should i do? i want my brother in my like but she is making it so diffacult. it is very frustrating...

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Mommy...
Nov. 24, 2010 at 3:22 PM

Oh, I am so sorry to hear you have so much emotional baggage on your back right now.. especially with a new baby on the way.  Not to mention the holidays around the corner... I am not an expert, but I do have a background in psychology and a Masters in Child and Adolescent development- not that this qualifies me for any specialization with families, but maybe I can offer an objective point of view for you to consider...

 

First- You can not change how others behave, how they feel, or how they choose to live their lives.  The only thing you CAN change is how you react to what they do.  It seems there is some long lived animosity and turmoil between your family members- and they may not be able to "get over it", and you may not be able to, either.  But, what you can do is, Let it go!  Just let it all go.  Tomorrow is a new day, and you can start fresh.  You may not forget, but you can forgive- and then let it go.  Reliving it, reviewing it, and continuously analyzing the situations is not RESOLVING them- just move forward. The reality is, life is too short to hang onto all the hurt and pain, quit asking yourself all the "what if's" (what if Dad treated me like he does the other kids?  What if mom put me first for once?etc).  You can not change those things- and maybe they are wrong and behaving poorly (even hurtful), but you can not force them to see that- they have to find that on their own.  And they may never realize how their behavior hurts you- so just let it go.  Decide what type of relationship you want to have with these people, then decide what part of that you have control over and what part of it you can do.  Then do your part.  If they do not do theirs, then there is nothing you can do about it, but you can know that you did your best, you put your effort into it, and then that is it.  Do not dwell, do not wish for something else.  Just control your part of the relationship, put into the relationships what part you feel comfortable with (and do not expect they will act the same towards you- ), and then focus on the immediate relationships in your home.  Hanging onto the baggage is not healthy, and it teaches your children to do the same.  A wise man once said..."People can only do to you what YOU let them do to you".  Don't dwell on their behavior, instead dwell on YOURS and make yours a positive response.

 

Anyway, good luck to you- and I hope you find some peace and resolution.

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kkbird
Nov. 24, 2010 at 3:28 PM

(just advice and my opinion)

your dad..... dont send him anything!!!! just a phone # for HIM to call YOU.  and Let it be.

your mom......  We all want our moms.... but, tough love.  She WASN'T there for James so why does she think she should be there for this one. ( its one thing if she/ya'll can't afford it) but she can go see your Brothers.   That's a hard one on the heart strings.  I'm sorry momma.

Bro's girl.....   what's her reason for her doing this???  Why doesn't she want Chris to have a family connection with you all???   Maybe try to call and tal with her or email her apologizing for anything that you may have done to make her feel "unwelcome". (and that you would like to be apart of their family).....

See how that goes....   let me know, maybe some other ideas would help .... take care

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