the last week has been rough because i couldn''t stop remembering little things from when rena was living with us. the snow reminded me because she moved in with us last winter. and having a big holiday meal. it made me think of easter, and how brian took her to the grand canyon on a tow and missed the family dinner and the kids' easter stuff. and a week later i found them in bed together. my husband noticed that we didn't have a movie, and i had to explain how i got rid of it becauce it was playing when i walked in on them. or playing risk with him and james, remembering all they times brian. rena and i would play. i always felt like they were a team, and i was on the outside. and when i went to bed (hours before them) i would hear them still playing (i always lost 1st, because both of them would go after me) and having such a good time, i coudn't be a part of.

the positive part is that i could move past all those things. they didn'tdrag me down for the rest of the day. i was sad, but i could bring my self back to present. so even with all that going on in my head, i still had a wonderful day.

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