well... i dont have anyone to talk to... so i guess ill talk to myself! :) I hate life... it sucks big time... and no one cares! my husband got deployed at the very end of June. About 2 weeks later i found out I was pregnant. YAY our plan was to TTC when he got back in January so not a big deal. I moved in with my once best friend to be closer to family and friends while he was gone and so my DD can be home with me instead of stressing to find another babysitter and to save money while hubby is deployed. WELL i move back and my best friend is NEVER HOME! I asked her to at least be home the night after my husband left so I wouldnt be alone and well she went to her "boyfriends" house instead.... and thats about when i realized she could care less... it hasnt been a hard pregnancy, i had a lot of nausia but not really too bad morning sickness... The whole time ive been here it seems people only call me if they need something (my mom and other family) I am glad to help out... but dont only call for that reason. I thought if i lived closer i would get to see my friends that i never see because i lived 3 1/2 hours away before more often... well ive seen them once in almost 5 months! One friend keeps saying I cant believe you are moving so soon... we haven't hung out... and its like well you never tried! All they wanted to do is "watch" my daughter! its just annoying!!!!! I get calls from family... and it seems all they want to do is complain/vent about their lives then get off the phone! i understand everyone needs to just vent once in a while BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?! How come no one lets me just vent/complain about things??? My sister lets me complain/vent to her... but then i just feel bad because she has a lot more things going on in her life and my life isnt bad at all... Now its the day after thanksgiving and i miss my husband so bad... but no one cares really! well i know some people do but i really just want people to say Jen it will be OK... and me not to have to ask for them to say it! why cant i just get a hug with sympathy? I like to pretend everything is OK... but in reality i cry myself to sleep more often than i would like... i hate that my husband will mist a whole 6 months of our daughters life, he is missing so much learning and laughs and silliness. AND i am pretty stressed about everything! my husband and i decided to for me and daughter to move back to where he is stationed at the end of november (next friday) and i currently only have like 1 person to help me move... i have a uhaul, a car, and an suv to get 3 1/2hrs away and no one to drive the cars down, i am 6 1/2 months pregnant and i cant lift the heavy boxes that need to be moved... expecially down a flight of stairs! i asked my "best friend" to help me (shes off that weekend) and she LITERALLY LAUGHED HYSTERICALLY at me and just ignored the question!!! SERIOUSLY!!! WHAT A FRIEND!!!!! she wont even help me slide a box across teh floor when i need to clean/pack the apartment (well my bedroom that i live in) she did however offer to move all her stuff in her room so i could clean her carpet!!! YEA RIGHT DO IT YOURSELF!!!! So... i dont have anyone yet to help me pack the UHAUL, i dont have anyone to drive any car down, and i have to return the uhaul on saturday! Well in the midst of all of this... my mom and sister have offered to help and my step dad help at least drive a car down so i wouldnt have to worry... (my stepdad has a bad back so i didnt even expect him to help pack etc...) WELL on tuesday he fell at work and had a concussion, 4 staples in his head, 2 broken ribs, 2 fractured virtabre, and an arm that he can barely move! SO... he is on some pretty strong pain meds and cant drive while on them... so i feel horrible for him... and i really hope he gets better very soon for his sake! BUT now he cant even drive down a car, my mom cant leave him and go 3 1/2 hours away if he is still in so much pain, and my sister doesnt even know for sure her boss will give her either friday or saturday off. SO thats why i have no one to help! :( and knowing this my "best friend" still wont help with ANYTHING!!! Not even help load the uhaul!!! i just dont understand! that just seems so mean to me... but maybe i deserve it! maybe im just selfish in thinking that people would help me! hahaha stupid me!!! It just seems everything that could just be bad is BAD! AND ive been watching my sisters daughter all day mon - fri for her while she goes to school and then works!! ive been waiting on her to be able to afford daycare again... well she starts daycare on monday! WOO HOO... BUT now i still have to go to my parents house for the day and just be there just in case my stepdad needs me.. which i will! i mean he needs help... BUT i feel like GGRRRGGG why why why does everything have to go wrong and I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THINGS!!!?!?!?!?! and that does seem selfish of me... but who in the world is taking care of me?!?!?! NO ONE! i have NO HELP packing, NO HELP when i cant handle being so stressed and have a 19month old, NO HELP when i just cant handle it anymore... BUT i am expected to step in and help no matter what!!!! and i cant stand to be at my parents house... its dirty! and its not really... they have a dog and 2 cats and the dog sheds a lot... and to begin with i am a VERY BAD NEAT/CLEAN FREAK plus with this pregnancy it is in OVERDRIVE! if my house isnt clean and i dont have the energy to do it... i have to leave its that bad! :( so being there drive me insane!!! because i either feel like i have to clean... which is fine i actually like to clean but then i feel like they expect me to clean when i am there... which i am not a maid, that isnt my job! or it just drives me nuts and i want to leave and i end up having a horrible day!!!! Now so monday i will most likely go there and clean because it will drive me insane and i know it will help my mom out since she is stressed also with my stepdad and everything!! :( OK i feel a little better now... i just wish my husband was here to give me that embracing i love you hug and whisper jen - its going to be OK.. stop stressing... but some nights when i close my eyes to sleep i cant see an end to the deployment... it seems like it will never come and i only have 6 weeks left!!! ive made it this far... but it doesnt seem like i will ever get to see him again, or cuddle with him, or just hug him!! and it makes me cry!!! :(

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Comments:

goatmom4
Nov. 26, 2010 at 8:07 PM

prayers   hope things get better hang in there

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Restl...
Nov. 26, 2010 at 8:14 PM

If you need to talk PM, me or send me a invite!!!

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