In an earlier post on friendship, I couldn't even get past the introduction. Today, luckily, there is no cookie dough in the house, so I'm relatively safe!

My current problem -- dealing with an ex-friend who has moved on. 

She and I used to be very close. When our children were little, we were together constantly. I can't even count the hours we spent at each other's houses. Most days started with us on the phone with each other planning our day. We were confidants and leaned on each other when parenting was too challenging. 

Then life changed. She went back to school. I went back to work. We had disagreements and fights. We both moved on to new social groups, though we maintained a bit of a friendship for a while. We worked together once or twice a week but saw each other less and less.

And then she became very close friends with a woman who absolutely despises me. 

So now we are not friends.

We must see each other at synagogue, where I teach her children, and our children go to the same public school, so we run into each other at events. 

Recently I really pissed off the woman who despises me, and my ex-friend shut me out altogether. Won't even look at me when she sees me. It's wicked uncomfortable to be in the same space together.

And yet.

And yet.

We are still on Facebook together, and she just posted pictures of her Thanksgiving dinner with her new set of friends, including the woman who, yes, despises me.

I looked at all the pictures. Twice. And felt incredibly lonely and left out, even though I also had a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration.


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Nov. 28, 2010 at 2:57 PM

I'm sorry to hear that.  I deleted my facebook about a year ago and life has been better ever since.  I am not a drama queen and as a matter of fact far from it.  However, since I am one of those people who is not phased easily it is almost like a challenge for people to try and it kind of got a little ridiculous after a while so I am no longer on it.  An aunt once told me that when you are on fb you aren't living your life because you are so busy talking about living it or even when you are doing someting you are just trying to get through it so you can post about it.  To some degree, she was a little bit right about that.  All I can say is I ditched fb and it feels better now because the people who wanted to stay around had to call me in order to find out about my life.

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Nov. 28, 2010 at 3:21 PM

FB is all about DRAMA. I had one for over a year and just deleted it last week. I made a new one and now ONLY Family and High School and CLOSE friends are on there... I am so sorry you are going through  this. She obvilously does not know what a TRUE friend is.

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 8:13 AM

Life is like that.  We have people that move in and out of our lives - some are here for a time, others for life.  What is important is that we learn the lessons we need to from the relationship to help us become better people. 

Sometimes there are people in your life who aren't healthy for you.  You love them, you care about them, but it's just not a good situation.  It sounds like you are in this kind of situation.  I have had friends who don't get along, it never changed the way I felt about either person.  If this woman is willing to change her feelings about you based on the thoughts of another, she doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

I hope you can surround yourself with people who are deserving of your friendship, learn the lessons you need to and move on.   (hugs) I know it can be hard....

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 11:20 AM

I agree with deepseadiver......You are worthy of having true friends who are deserving of your friendship.....

Now, as suggested,  might be a time to cut ties in all electronic ways.....It will be freeing, I promise you...You have a new opportunity to start fresh...because you are declaring yourself a new who still trusts and loves.....(I was in a similar situation here in Cafemom...rejected from two groups:(women married to Hispanic men for taking a stand on using the word "retarded" , lewd language, when not necessary and speaking up about the danger of visiting psychics.......and found out after a long time I was much more at peace....not a victim of someone else trying to use power over me-in my life only God will have the power!!!!.  In time I  realized the freedom of being away from siggy porn and after a long time found out one of the admins was Wiccan...I was delivered!!!!!  Who needs friends like that?  ) 

As far as the synogogue....I would like to share this being uncomfortable happens with us other people also....Since you are religious....pray that God will show you a way to handle this....God works in mysterious ways!!!!!!!  At the very least...ask a special blessing over any encounters that may come up....

Take care.  I will be thinking of you.....

((Hugs))  Veronica





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Nov. 29, 2010 at 12:04 PM

Sounds like you might be better off without this person anyway. KWIM? I have had friends who were only friends when I could give them,or lend them something. Now that I put a stop to that these so called 'friends' no longer call,or come around.As a very wise other friend here on CM tells me and I quote 'They weren't your friends anyway'. So I have moved on and plan on not looking back. I never did have facebook or myspace so that was never something I had to delete.Cafemom offers me enough of what I am looking for =). Also I have made a BFF since joining here. Good luck hun =)

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 1:14 PM

I'am sorry you're going through reminds me of the mourning period after a death (death of a friendship) and all the emotions that follow loss. I'm going through personal changes of my own and someone told me that as our circumstances change our picture of 'it'  begins to look different - it's called life! Now what are you going to do about it? Sometime's its just about accepting our situation as it is, trusting that I will be okay and letting go of the outcome! This person is much more spirtiually sound than I am so I'm really having to practice, PRACTICE, practice!...good luck and may you find  acceptance and peace ;-)... @

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 1:35 PM

I know how you feel, but it's better not to have someone who doesn't have your back at all times.. True friends are there no matter what.. sometimes there is no communications for months because life happens, but when ever you need them they will be there and will not allow anyone to bad mouth you at all... Apparently your friend is a follower, they are the worst because they will just shut up and follow the bully of the group without question..

Let her go, it's better that way. And although I know it hurts it's always better to keep the happy times you both had in your heart then to be dwelling on the ugly things she is now doing to you... she probably is just someone you needed there for that period of time, you learned from her, and now it's time to move on..


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Nov. 29, 2010 at 7:29 PM

I had a friendship end and I don't even know why, over a year ago. I can understand how you are feeling. She was the closest girl friend I have ever had. It can still be tough to move on when you were so close to someone.

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 9:58 PM

I know how you feel, the girl who has been my best friend, or even sister for the past 10 years like every memory i have is with her, slept with my boyfrend and now I am heartbroken, not even about him just over that she lied and betrayed me, i don't think i 'll ever be the same :(

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Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:35 PM

I understand. I had a friend- a woman friend- for the first time in years. We weren't as close as you describe, but did see each other at least weekly, sent emails and all social events together, someone who understood me and I could complain about my husband. We were in different places in life, and one day she said she wasn't going to hang out with people with kids any more, and she was gone, just like that. I vowed not to be angry and to forgive her, but I found it felt much the same as when my fiance of 4 years left me, also with no warning. It has taken me years to see her facebook posts without being sad. The times I cried! 

I have no answers. If they were really bad, we wouldn't have loved them how we do. But it's so sad. I can't imagine how it is to see your friend regularly.

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