This is my first journal entry.  Im 22 and have a 2 year old daughter. I need to vent so badly that im glad i was told about this site before it kills me to keep everything in.  I got divorced in february of this year, it was because of a "friend" that my husband and i had. She squeezed her way into my ex's life and the rest is history.  A few weeks after I moved out she moved in.  It took a few months for me to deal with it and just realize this happens and alot of children have stepparents.  No they arent married but she see's my daughter every weekend when she goes to see her daddy.  I am very close to his family still and they all pretty much know that unless my daughter is getting hurt or not taken care of I dont want to know about it. Well his sis from utah didnt know this rule and recently told me about their thanksgiving dinner. She told me how the girlfriend (not using names) held my baby the whole time while she was sleeping and fed her from her plate and did everything for her.  Why my ex wasnt being a father and doing all this i do not know.  but just hearing that someone else is trying to mother my baby killed me inside.  How do i deal with this? How am I supposed to be ok with it all?  I feel as if im the only one hurting from this divorce. Yes i do have a new boyfriend, but part of me isnt ready to let go of my old life.  How did my ex let go so quickly?  Does anyone have any good advise for healing? or maybe just some words of wisdom? Right now anything will help me. All i can do right now is hold my baby girl as long as i can and enjoy the time i have with her. but inside im going crazy.

Add A Comment


Nov. 29, 2010 at 8:42 PM

I've never been in your situation but I can only imagine the pain you are going through.  I can only assume that it might help if you reward yourself and do something fun when your ex has the kids to keep your mind off of stuff.  Maybe do a spa day with a friend or get your nails and hair done or see a movie.  I don't know... that stinks.  It seems like you always hear about the guy moving on quicker than the girl, but why??? Don't worry your baby loves YOU and hopefully it is at least a little comforting to know that your baby is in safe hands at least.  Good luck and hopefully you feel better about the situation sooner rather than later girlie. 

Message Friend Invite

Nov. 29, 2010 at 9:11 PM

I sympathize with you.You were doubly betrayed by two people you thought you could trust,a friend and a husband.Maybe that's where most of your pain lies.I don't know what to say except you just have to let go.Let your ex go on with his life and you go on with yours.The healing will come,believe me.Right now you're still in mourning over the divorce.And,yes,it is very much the same as mourning a death.

As for your daughter,no one will ever replace you as Mom in her heart.Don't worry about that.You really should feel somewhat relieved that the girlfriend is treating your daughter so well.I know it would be a big load off my mind.My ex's wife treated our daughter well,and they are friends,but I'm the only one who is MOM.


Message Friend Invite

Nov. 30, 2010 at 5:11 AM

Well, speaking as a step mom and a divorced mom.....In my mind to make it ok, was as long as they loved my child and took good care of him and actually treated him as their own I was fine with it. I know i'm his mother, and nothing can change that, but I believe the more people in a child's life that love them the better. A child can't hurt from to much love. And maybe she wanted to do that with your child hun, not that he was being a bad dad but maybe she wanted a chance to bond with her as well.

Message Friend Invite

Nov. 30, 2010 at 9:29 AM

you all make sense. I am at times glad that she is taken care of by both her father and his girlfriend, but im scared that because my daughter is so young that i can be replaced in her eyes. im a first time mom and ya i guess im young and dont know what the outcome will be, and i know i could be totally wrong about all of this.  I know my ex and he is a great dad, and i know her and she is great with children.  there is a lil crazy streak to her tho, and the fact that another child from a previous relationship of hers, calls her mom freaks me out. i can admit that i have a little jealousy but can you blame me? i hate that on holidays or family events theres someone else there holding my baby girl. like i asked in a group post, is this just pain that will heal in time??I hope im not being childish about this. and actually talkin about this with people who dont even know us is really helping me see it all in a new perspective. 

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in