How can you love someone that you had no connection with in the first place?

My biological mother was a crack addict and prostitute. The whole time she was pregnant with me she was getting high and doing god knows what else. When I was born she was high on crack and left me at the hospital. I was in foster care for two months and than was adopted by the amazing family I have today. 20 years later I decided to pursue my biological mother. At the time I decided to find her, I didn't really know what would happen if I did find her, I just wanted to know if she was alive or not. I ended up finding her on Google! When I did find her number and address I didn't even call her for another three months. When we first started talking everything was so surreal, I believed every word that came out of her mouth. Than I slowly began to realize that it wasn't what I wanted. My adoptive mom, whom I consider my real and only Mother, passed away from cancer when I was 11. By no means at all was I trying to replace her, but I was curious about my birth mother. I think what awoke my curiosity was the fact that she just left me there. How can people just leave their own flesh and blood? It didn't matter to me how many times she said she was sorry or when she said she loved me. How can you love someone you didn't care about in the first place? She said I freed her from her guilt of giving me up all those years ago. I hold nothing against her at all, I thank god that she left me there because my life would've been hell. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp the idea that I will never see her as a parent or someone I hold close to my heart. Am I wrong for not having any feelings for her? I don't see her even as a person I see her as an object. I know that may sound sick and twisted but I just don't have compassion towards her at all. Our so called relationship, if you can even call it that, ended quickly. She was very manipulative and possessive, she saw me as a little girl. I am grown now with my own family and my own set of values. She doesn't care about my life now, she wanted me to create a life without the family I have now. This whole experience has taught me to be so very thankful for the family I have now. Everyone at some point in their life takes something they have for granted. I've learned to be thankful and cherish everything. Every once in awhile she'll try and creep back into my life, I regret the day I met her. I honestly do. I'll be damned though if she gets a hold on me.

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Nov. 30, 2010 at 2:21 PM

It goes to show that you are a beautiful strong woman.  You know who your "real"m other was, unfortunately she passed when you were young, but apparently left a profound impact on the woman you are today.  I don't think you not compassionately, if anything you are very compassionate. You sought out the woman who gave birth to you.  You gave her a chance to explain why she did what she did and in turn she tried to destroy what you have now.  I say, and this is my opinion only, you don't need her in your life.  Turn your back on her as she did you.  You will be better off.  Good luck and enjoy the life and family you have today.

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