I have a total new found respect for all of you mothers that are working outside the home and have young children at home to care for. I have to say, you all are AMAZING.

For the past month I have started a part time job outside the home to help out with family expenses and holidays and birthdays. It is the first time that I've had to work outside the home since before my 3 (almost 4) year old was born. I have done home daycare, Tastefully Simple consulting, and I was a Massage Practioner. However, all of those things I could do for the most part at my home and never spent more than a couple of hours a week away from home with those jobs.

Now I've ventured into retail to help out. I only wanted a part time job with a couple of hours a week to make up for the money I was no longer making when the people I was babysitting for could no longer afford me. Well, holiday season in retail, there is no such thing as part time hours, I've come to find out. I had one week of partime hours and now I'm working 38 hours a week. Which money wise, I'm content. It is a great help.

But now I'm having a very hard time handling any stressers at home these days. My SO did great with starting to help out around the house with minor things like the dishes and straightening up the living room and taking care of our daughter. Now, it's been over a month since I've started working and he has totally started slacking in all fields. He is still taking care of Autumn but now he isn't making sure she is going to bed at a decent time. When I came home on Saturday night at midnight Autumn was wide awake but very cranky. Then he is making dinner but not cleaning any of the dishes for the past two days of working.

I know I'm bitching! He is also working over eight hour days some of the days I'm working. So I try not to expect too much out of him on those days. But it is really really starting to get to me. He wouldn't pick up the slack (like he said he was going to do when I got all depressed about losing my babysitting job). So I go out and get myself a job to help him and do what he said he was going to do. Now he can't even rinse off some dishes or run a vaccum, that takes like 5 minutes???!?!!?

I'm starting to get a little too snappy with my daughter from all the stress I am feeling. I accidently made her cry from yelling about the mess. I wasn't yelling at her but she was in the room and it upset her to hear me talk like that. I don't know how much longer I will be able to deal with the house just getting messier and messier and not having the energy or time to catch up and do everything else I'm suppose to do during the day.

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ErinH...
Dec. 14, 2010 at 5:40 PM

I feel you. I work at home, but I am the sole bread winner most of the time...and I get soooo snippy some days. I hate it! Sometimes when I have too much to do and too little energy to get it done...plus the kids, a messy house, and school when that starts again... I can turn into a real witch. The main thing I've noticed that helps us all...is that I take time at least one day a week to take everyone out to unwind. Ice cream, the park, whatever I can think of. And when I am taking care of the kids, I am taking care of the kids. It works so much better than trying to multitask. Just like when I am working, I am working. You just have to try and keep things in neat little boxes so that you can focus in.

I figure my kids would rather have one hour of my undivided attention and adoration...than eight hours of me half paying attention and half trying to meet a deadline. So when you are at home...spend X time through X time running around and getting whatever you can done in the house...and when that time is up, you are off duty, even if you didn't get finished. At that time, you only spend time with the family and that's it. Or, that's what I find works to cut down on stress for me. That way I'm not thinking about everything I have to get done...I only have ONE task at once.

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Chica...
Dec. 14, 2010 at 9:37 PM

That is a good idea ErinHill226!  Luckily, my SAHD/hubby, does most of the main household chores before I get home from work.  However, he seems to think he deserves more time off with his friends than I do.  But that's okay, because I am getting better at taking my days off too!

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Lb128f
Dec. 14, 2010 at 11:30 PM

I agree! Mom's (in general) are pretty amazing!

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SAMNM...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 3:38 AM

Yep. That's the problem with judging others. You never know how it REALLY is until you've walked a mile in their shoes. If your SO is working full time, as are you, then you BOTH need to contribute to the housework. If he cooks, you should clean up after him. What's the big deal about her going to bed late? It's not like she has anywhere to go-it was the weekend. Anyway, I hope things get better. I would appreciate what he's doing for you. Some women, like myself, work part time, and go to school full time while having two kids and being pregnant. My husband JUST started helping me out around the house a little more. Some women's husbands just won't help no matter what. Count your blessings! Have a good night!

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Amand...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:02 AM

Thank you ladies for all of the great advice and support. Now that I've had a good night's rest and it is a new day, I've re-read my ranting and have realized that is what it is RANTING. In no way was I trying to say that I have it too hard. Because I know some people have it harder. I just wanted to get some things off of my chest. As well as, show my appreciation and respect for all the ladies with hectic schedules.

I'm kinda of a perfectionist that also suffers from chronic depression  so I'm my own worst enemy most days. It does take me a while to realize that life isn't as bad as it feels to me, even on my good days. My SO does his best, but it can be very frustrating that he can prove to me that he can do something and then just gets very lazy about it and stops doing it all together.

And as for bedtimes, even on weekends I expect my three year old to be in bed before 10pm. If not it throws off her whole schedule the next day and makes her cranky and hard to deal with. She has been on a schedule since she was 6 months and it has helped to make life easier.

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mcque...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 8:16 AM

This may sound stupid to you but this is what I do!!

I make a few lists and I hang them all over the house, In the bathroom it will say please take out the garbge, then a note on the fridge, please fold the laundry. I put the notes where ever in the house he may go. Sometimes it works and sometimes not!! Good luck!!

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Choco...
Dec. 15, 2010 at 10:21 PM

I really appreciate your post and I hear you on the many tasks you have to juggle.  I work 4 days a week on evening shift, so I can stay home with the kids during the day.  I feel very blessed to only have to work part-time and work evenings, but it has made me the dominant force in cleaning on top of caring for the kids.  The majority of the time, I am confident in what I do, but about once a week, things get overwhelming and I feel my blood start to boil.  Like when DH asks me what to do for the kids' bath.  Or he leaves the table with food all over it for me to clean the next day, etc.  Sometimes, I really don't like to be in charge (stating what needs to get done) and would appreciate him taking initiative.  On that note, I definitely think a calendar helps that lists what needs to get done from DH and me. 

Referring to your last post, ranting is okay; it's not like you are one of the Housewives of whatever county and you're miffed that you broke a nail and now have to spend $200 on acrylics at Grade A fancy schmancy salon, ya' know?  What you're going through is substantial.  I don't believe that you're ungrateful.  You just need to vent.  That doesn't make you bad.  It's all about balancing, which is a constant learning process for me.  I like ErinHill226's idea and I think I'll try looking at it from that perspective. :)

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