My fork in the road...need some mommy advice.

[brandyj]

I had Implanon for 3 years, and it was a rough start, but then my body got into the rhythm. It was nice not having to worry about remembering my BC all the time. But, alas, it is only a 3 yr deal, so I had to either get it replaced or get something else. I looked into an IUD, but my husband expressed that he wanted one more child, and I had wanted one more also, but didn't know he felt that way. So I decided to go back on month to month BC, because I want to go back to school for a year, then start trying for baby #3.  My hubby wants to try now, but I really want to go back to school. I don't think being an exclusive SAHM is right for me. I get bored and frustrated, and I hate having to ask my husband for money. I used to make my own money... now I feel like a teenager sometimes. But, then I think about going back to work, and that if I have another baby, that little one will have to go into daycare. I don't like that either.

I know what I want... but is it best for everyone else? Am I being selfish? I've been a SAHM for 5 years, and I feel anxious to get back to doing what I was doing before I had kids. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE MY FAMILY. My children and my husband are my top priority, and only God Himself has more of my devotion than they do. But I was in school when I met my DH and I got pregnant.... which made me choose to leave college for a "little while". I always told myself, "I can always come back. Having kids doesn't mean giving up on an education." But I had no idea that I'd be here, 5 yrs later, feeling like I do.

I guess my question is... Where do I go from here? Put my wants on the back burner for another few years, or go for it? Either way, it's gonna be HARD. And I'm afraid I'll have some major regrets no matter what I do.