This time,...

[tharealty2]

Why do we always seem to reflect on times gone by, as the end of each year draws close?  I guess it makes sense,. I just wish the reflection went a little deeper, affected a little more drastically, at least in my case.  This time in 2005 I was pregnant.  It was my sixth pregnancy and my best one yet.  No complications like I had with each one prior.  I had that energy I had heard tale of for other pregnant women, and was cleaning house!  I felt good.  The only thing I was worried about was my due date - Dec 22nd.  I didn't want to be in the hospital during Christmas,. so when the 22nd came and went with out a word from lil baby,. I was happy.  Due to complications with my others, they normally induced my labor,. and I knew I didn't want that - so I didn't call the doctor concerned when Christmas came and went, and she didn't call me when days continued to pass

I felt great.  Then, on the first of January,. my water broke!  I was so happy and anxious.  I let the doctor on call know (mine was on vacation,. lol) that I would wait till I couldn't wait anymore,. I'd rather go thru most of it at hame.  He told me not to wait too long, that the baby was more susceptible to infections once my water broke.  So when my contractions were just a little uncomfortable I went on in.  Even though I had always been against epidural's prior, I decided to get one,. I couldn't believe it - labor and delivery with no pain!!  It wasn't long till we welcomed Mira Lee into the world.

Such a cutie.  Me and dh joked that she looked Asian, we called her our little buddha baby.  Mira was such a joy, such a pleasant baby.  I remember waking up to her scratching in the crib while trying to wake up herself.  She'd keep putting her head to one side then the other,. then finally,. she peeked up,. look around, see me looking at her,. and then give me the biggest,. brightest smile.  How I loved that smile,. but I could watch her sleeping forever.

As she got older I loved watching her personality come out, she was a happy baby, until it was time to eat - then she had no patience, lol.

Mira brought our family such joy.

 

 

Seven short months later, we found Mira dead. S.I.D.S snatched her in her sleep with out warning.  My sweet, loving,. beautiful angel was gone, just like that.  Sometimes after her death I would strain to remember her, in real life,. moving,, smiling, laughing - and all I could see was snippets of pictures.  Sometimes I would look at strangers babies, and see my little Mira looking back at me.  Heartbreak doesn't begin to describe it,. loss doesn't touch the hole thats left.  Sometimes I think of her everyday, and sometimes I wake from a deep sleep,. suddenly guilty bc I realize I've went a while with out recalling her face.

I wish I could say I'm a better person for it.  I wish I could say I never take those I love for granted.  I wish I could say I now have a ton of patience when it comes to my kids.  But I still do.  (sigh) 

[ChicaThis]

Dec. 19, 2010 at 10:21 PM

Wow, I must be really emotional right now.  I just finished watching two lifetime movies and now I'm sitting here reading your journal entry as I ball my eyes out.  I'm so sorry for you dear Mira.  My brother died of sids when he was 3 months old and it is just so hard to understand why because that hasn't been explained yet. 

[marlene992]

Dec. 29, 2010 at 5:40 PM

Before I even read what had happened to your baby I was crying! Reminded me so much of my daughter's birth. Me & my ex- joked about her looking chinese when she was born. I'm so sorry for your loss & I wish i can hug you right now. God Bless You & your family. You will meet again with your beautiful Mira!