Just to get things off my chest

[cuddlebunnymom]

I have so many things going through my head and my heart.  They are both feeling heavy right now and i can't relieve the pressure.  I am just to the point of just crying.  I always hold everything in.  All the disappointments, the let downs, the anger, the sadness and I just can't hold it back anymore.

I am in love with a guy that is great and we have sort of been together for about 5 months but it's a little complicated there.  We both talk to others but yet we always end up in each others arms.  He is my best friend.  He know's exactly how i feel about him.  He has told me from the beginning that there were a few things that he had to get figured out before he ever got into a relationship.  That and he wants kids some day and I can't have any.  I know he cares about me he just tries to hide it sometimes but I can see it in him.  We are great together. :)

I had moved from Virginia to get out of an abusive relationship that almost cost me my life.  I had gotten back with my kids dad and it didn't last long before things were right back where they were years ago.  We would have been together for 10 years but we started young and just grew apart.  I still love him and always will.  He was my first true love and there will never be anybody to replace what we had.  We got out own place shortly after me moving back.  The rent here was only $325.  I had told him to just pay the rent and I would cover the bills.  It would have only been $85  a week.  The bills were kept up as my end of the house payments and the rent kept falling further and further behind.  It is now over $2000 behind because he had let it get so far behind.  Granted our landlord is awesome.  We now have to pay $375 a month.  When we were told that if it wasn't paid by the 1st of every month that we were getting evicted and his exact words were "that's not that bad".  When I was in VA he kept complaining about everyone taking advantage of him and him having to pay all the bills and then he does this to me and his kids.  If we are to get evicted me and the kids have NO WHERE to go.  My mom and brother live in the same park so we can't stay with them.  He just can't seem to get that through his head.  I just don't get it.  Now because of everything i can't even get my kids anything for christmas.  I've had to take up for what he hasn't paid. 

I just wanna be happy and no matter what i try I just don't seem to ever be able to. 

[cmissamy]

Dec. 22, 2010 at 10:47 AM

I am sorry you are going through this there. Have you tried local churches to help with your rent and Christmas for the kids? Trust me there is nothing wrong with asking for help here. If it were not for the local churches here in our area our kids would have not gotten anything so trust me from somone who knows. Hang in there and it will work out. Just do not let it get you down and message me sometime if you need to talk or just vent.