My daughters bio family has not been there whatsoever. Sierra just turned 8 last Thursday. Her bio dad has been locked up since 2005 now. Bunch of selfish reasons if you ask me. When he went in jail. Me and him were no longer together. I was already dating my now husband. He saw Sierra a few times. But those last few times really made me regret having her go over there. He risked it and I didnt wanna risk losing her. But I still allowed her to see him. 2005 was the last time she had seen him and his family. But honestly even before that, they never did anything for her. They never helped me out with what she needed, no Christmas gifts, no birthday gifts. I remember that year for her birthday. They had asked me to bring her over because they had some surprises for her. I was in the town they lived in, so im like ok just for a bit. When we got there. They ended up leaving, said they had to go someplace and they would be back in an hour. So we waited. And they never came back in that hour. And didn't have any surprises for her as well. Luckily I didn't tell her thats why we were going over there. Otherwise I would have dealt with that. After that night they never showed up, and they didn't even call asking why we didnt stay. It was really pointless after that. They didnt have the respect for my daughter, why give them that respect? So flashforward to now. Shes 8, she doesnt remember her bio dad. I don't hear from them. In fact, they know I live in Indiana, but they don't know where. They do know how to get a hold of me. Thru my email or thru FB. Which I have never heard from. A few years ago I got a call from his sister informing me that her bio dad had just told them he was negative with HIV... and she called me to inform me. Which didnt matter because I was clear of that. But then continued to go on about him and how sickly he was, I am not sure if it was for pity or not. Oh I do know why she called. Right before I hung up on her, she had asked me if she could take Sierra to the prison to see him. I said 'are you crazy? she hasnt seen him in 3 years and a prison is no place for a girl her age' and she hung up on me. Heard one more time from her asking for my address, which I did give her, she wanted to send Sierra some giftcards for her birthday. Again nothing.

So right now. I am at a point where I really want to email her bio grandmother. And really tell her how I feel. I have a very strong feeling, whenever her bio dad gets out. he is going to think everything is fine and dandy. when its not. We are hoping going to be in the process of terminating his rights and having my husband adopt her. Its so easy in Indiana to do so without his consent right now. But I really feel the need to email her and how saddened i am of this situation. Its been 6 years they have not said a single Happy Birthday or Merr Christmas to her. Or asking how see is. And I know for the fact she considers Sierra close to her. I've just been writing this email in my head. and im not sure if it will help to actually send it or not. Not sure if the reaction will be good or bad... im at a standstill.

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Comments:

kkbird
Feb. 9, 2011 at 6:18 PM

I hear that for your own piece of mind YOU need closure. ( thats understandable) BUT.... If DD doesn't ask about him/or his family, THEY have made NO connections to DD then let it be as just that.  It doesn't take alot of effort to send a card, gifts,call to keep in touch.  Out of his whole family EVEN himself in jail can send a letter.  DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR DD and MOVE FORWARD... If at some point in time HE wants to contact DD then go from there. But I wouldn't disrupt her life NOW with some poison. ***** Now that HIS SISTER has your address**** you may want to be cautious of DD's whereabouts.  I'd call the jail and see when he will be released so that you will know. That way if something crazy like him COMING there out of the blue takes place or something you can be on the look out. ( even his family for that matter).

You could send the letter to the mom explaining your closure to the family and thanking them for there involvement in DD life for however many years they weren't there.  But leave it at that. No return address. ( as you said they know how to contact you, but I wouldn't respond back to them)  say your piece and move on with your family.  take care doll

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Saya
Feb. 9, 2011 at 6:28 PM

I wouldn't do a THING.  DO NOT contact them, do not notify them, nothing.  All that is going to do is make them panic and suddenly become all involved.  Or say they will be, but will continue to disappoint and drag the whole thing out.  

Don't do it. don't do it! don't do it.  I understand you have feelings, you love your girl, and you are mad that they don't treat her with the resepect she deserves.  Don't do it.  Sit on those feelings, talk to a friend, write a book about it...anything but contacting them.  

Move fast on the adoption, get everything legal.  Don't give anyone your address...block them on FB....everthing.  Trust me, sucking them back into your life will cause nothing but drama and heartache for you and your dd.

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Armyw...
Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:33 PM

In my opinion...i would proceed with the termination papers, and send them to her dad in prision. It's between u and him not i him and his family. Once he signs the rights over, proceed with the adoption papers, with your husband. 

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mazzyk
Feb. 9, 2011 at 8:36 PM

well see in the state of indiana. i dont need to send him anything. there are 4 issues what do not need the fathers consent for adoption. and he has all 4. (abandonment, no chiold support, felonies and imprisonment) so i would go on with it, and they would tell him and he would only be able to contest it. which the lawyer had already said he would not win. but... i just want it over with.

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Pinky...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 3:35 PM

I agree with Saya. They have made little to NO effort in keeping in contact with your daughter, so why should you bother lettign them know what you want to do. YOU and your husband have been there for her, not htem. Yout wo are her family, not them. Just because she is blood related to them, doesn't make them family. Cease any contact with them and follow through witht he paperworks to terminate her bio dad's rights and have your husband adopt her. I HTH

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IHear...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 6:51 PM

I agree with everyone else

Dont contact them and start your paperwork to terminate his rights. Why would you put yourself through the drama of starting that conversation with them?? If you feel the need to write them a letter..do it..get all your feelings down on paper BUT DONT SEND IT. You will be doing yourself and your daughter a favor but just ceasing contact.

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patri...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 10:11 PM

I  agree with the other girls like theresa said just because their blood doesn't make them family . It sounds like she has a great thing with your husband and u!! Sometimes its good to write things down on paper to get them off your chest but keep the paper to yourself. I wish the best for you hun =)

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