I Remember.

[AmazingAmanda]

Little baby it has been 1 year and 4 months since I lost you. One year and 4 months since my life changed for forever. One year and 4 months since my world was thrown upside down. One year and 4 months.

Dear baby, I still miss you. Every minute of every hour of every day I miss you. I never got to meet you, and I never got even the tiniest of a glimps of who you would be, but I often long for you. You mean the world to me.

Tiny baby, you changed me for forever. I hold your little brother now and realize how unbelievably blessed I am. I have two wonderful, healthy chilfren and I dare not ask for more. A daughter and a son who are both perfect and lovely and my life is full. You aren't here but you are with me and you make my life full.

Lost baby, you have no idea how you affected me. I never knew how strong I was until you. I never knew how delicate my husband was until you. I never knew how fragile life was until you. You have shown me what it is really like to live. You have shown me what it is really like to love.

I remeber you baby and I wonder what it would be like if I hadn't have lost you. I wonder where we would be. It isn't any secret that your little brother came at a better time, a time when we were more prepared to take care of a child. I still wonder what it would have been like if it would have been you. Would you have been the boy that your daddy wanted or the girl I secretly longed for. Would you have been eager and ready like your brother or chill and mellow like your sister.

Child of mine I pray you are happy. All I every wanted was for this life to be good enough for you, but obviously it wasn't. When you died, a piece of me died with you. I pray that you keep that piece and hold it close unyil I can finally meet you. I also pray that you are happy when you see us dote on your brother like we would have doted on you.

I remember you child, taken entirely to soon. I remember the joy you brought me for the few short weeks that you were mine. I remember how it hurt to learn that you were gone. And I remember the transformation I've been through as I've healed.

I remember you and I always will.

[Lb128f]

Feb. 24, 2011 at 11:50 PM

I'm sorry.

[tts]

Feb. 25, 2011 at 3:36 PM

So beautifully written Amanda.. I know the pain you feel- I think a little piece of our heart will always belong to our babies we lost.