Journey back to ME.

My battle with stress, and anxiety.

Hi all ...

Well, things have been going I have to say that... I've had some pretty rough patches and now with some new therapy I've been going through life seems ever so challenging.

First off .. work is slow.. very slow.. so my hours are cut. I'm back to working 3 days when I had just been giving full weeks again. This change is hard to adjust to when I'm trying to progress with this disorder. I am hoping Spring comes soon.. We keep getting our hopes up but then it starts to snow again. Its rather frustrating.

Well, the kids are doing well.. my daughter has been trying me lately and they are all suffering from the winter blues.. enough is enough.. they say.. bring some warm weather and NO MUD!

Many of you know that I have an anxiety group on here.. it covers so much area of anxiety like panic attacks and such. We have been getting some new memebers but no one posts.. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I hope it's good because sometimes no posting means life is liveable.. :)

Well... I had my van brake down, and my dish washer break down, and my dryer break down all with in a week of one another. I was STRESSED to the Max!

We had to go through 3 weeks of loan papers to get a differen't van, and we found a good deal on a dryer that works.. and .. the dishwasher is now fixed. but I am happy to wash the dishes as it seems to calm me.. :) so that's a plus.

I am also in a group that is causing to feel lost.. and unwanted. I'm not going to mention which one.. I just know that I haven't felt like this ever. I care alot about what others think and feel.. and I want them to be happy.. I want things to be talked about that everyone is afraid to talk about.. I think it makes it easier to deal with. I guess I'm the only one that feels that way.. I would go in to detail but.. It's not a good idea.. :)

I'm having a down week... I think with the dragging on the  good then bad then worse weather it is really trying me. The fact that everyone seems to keep telling me about all these that are going out and predicting the end of the world with so many different dates is really bothering me. I mean .. usually that wouldn't bother me.. but I already live in fear.. I don't need others telling me things that bring more stress and fear. I want time with my kids ... and I feel like I have very little. Though I know that no one can predict our future.. but God.. with this disorder it's hard to over look.

I have been progressing though.. with this disorder.. hurdles and leaps somedays and back tracking the next.. I have been reading a book written by an agroaphobia woman.. well she use to have it anyway. She's beat it and surviving... The book is called "Embracing the Fear" and it's a great read so far.

I have gotten a few books new ones that is.. its how I progress. It's one thing to have this and another to really know all about it. Knowing about it and accepting is is slowing beating it.. and .. we must all try to beat it.. My doctor told me the other day this disorder is one of the top causes for heart diease .. and not many know that. So I am doing all I can to cope, and conqure!

Well... That's it for now.. I will write more later.. I 'm not motivated today and would really like to sit around the house but that does me no good.

So it's off to town to do something ... I just wish we had some stores to really shop in.

Hugs to all ..

and peace and love ... :)

thanks for your support..

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Mar. 8, 2011 at 3:58 PM

Hi...I'm sorry you are struggling with this...I hope with the weather change and being able to get out more you'll find some peace. I'm sorry too about everything breaking down! I'm glad you were able to repair/replace it all! I hope your kiddos will settle some too with a weather's tough being stuck inside all the time! I'm glad you are reading, researching and still in therapy...I do think it helps and I think you are doing a GREAT JOB of trying to deal with all that's going on! Don't give in to it!! You CAN do this!!!! :-) You mention a group that is not working for you...please get out of it! If something isn't working...if you are feeling stress from being there..leave! If there are members you want to stay in contact with...ask them to join your group or just email...but, don't subject yourself to additional pressures and stress, you know?  Thanks for the update! I'll be saying a prayer for you!!

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Mar. 8, 2011 at 4:02 PM

Thanks .. :)

I have been struggling to go but I always find those that don't want me to leave.

 I think it has to do with the fact that I put so much in to it. I am so personal and caring.. and I really connect with people..

It's those that seem to give no cares in the world that clash with me. I always keeping kind words in their directions no matter how frustrated I become.

and... I can do this .. Thank you for your prayers. :)

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Mar. 8, 2011 at 8:57 PM

 Hang in there my friend. I am sorry that everything came at you all at once & I know the weather has everyone down in the dumps for sure, but it sounds like you are handling things better than you are giving yourself credit for! I know the down turn in work is bad but maybe a change in weather will make a difference in that.  I have been having a few bad days too, so do not feel you are alone. Just keep pushing foward my friend, it is the very best we can do. And your DD, you will have to lay down the law to her right now in straight foward words because from experience, girls can get out of control just as fast as boys & you need to make sure she understands the rules & what the punishments are for breaking them. Don't go through what I did with DD #2, she has turned out well, but the teen years were not fun I am afraid.

  So that is my advice for today, I am working on myself slowly & just like you, I know that there will be a day that we will beat this!


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Mar. 11, 2011 at 1:16 PM

i know sitting is hard i used to love a warm bath now the phone rings when i try to relax    I actually told one anoyying person   that   if my ulcer gets worse and I die she can't get money out of me     HA                                she sounded concerned for about 5 mins.

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Mar. 27, 2011 at 7:18 PM

Sorry to hear the ups & downs, breaking mechanical items..I'm right there with you girl..Anxiety, panic, menopause is back rearing it's ugly head here. :/ I hope things get better soon, for both of us ((HUGS)) to you ..


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