Journal of a Busy mom

Work, School, Kids

  You know I was going to stay up and work late tonight given that I wasn't awak until after Noon. However I saw a reminder in my email about world autism day tomorrow and the next day and I got to thinking...and then to crying..over my son, Aleksey. I hope that the following story will help some other mom ou there not feel as alone as I have in the past.

Aleksey was born on december 1st 2008, a 29 week premie boy weighing in at 2 lbs 11ounces. When he was born, He did not cry. I panicked and panicked at my how quiet my son was. Then he squawked a little and I was ok. Drugged to the teeth after the emergency cesesarian and HELPP syndrome, but OK.

He was in the NICU at Magee Woman's Hospital (the best hospital in the world if you ask me) for 40 nerve wracking days. He didn't really have many issues there and after all taht came home. We didn't think much about how quiet he was in the beginning because had a full set of lungs now. I should have seen that might have been a sign.

He grew along OK enough, behind and not hitting his milestones but that was to be expected because of the prematurity. He got his vaccinations (stupid me, I didn't know anything about how bad an idea that was until it was too late) and still we were coming along just fine. His first birthday hit and we were in all out celebration mode! His little brother had already been born on October 15th 2009 (similar complications) and we went to the doc for his 18 month check up later down the line.

There wasn't any more cause for celebration though. He has muscle issues and required a physical therapist. So one was brought in through early intervention. Then his language skills regressed. He was screaming and banging himself all over, crying for no reason.  It was like my baby boy had deserted me. I couldn't see my little angel in the demonic mess of a child I now had. I thought G-d was punishing me. I thought that somehow my own illnesses (kidney disease) caused it and I blamed myself.

I worked myself tirelessly to try to bring my boy back to me. Dicipline didn't work, neither did ignoring what I thought were tantrums. They just got worse to the point that I had to restrain him for everyone's safty. I wound up having to quit my job to be at home full time with my husband to take care of the boys.

We went back to the doctor, we researched on our own, we talked with other mothers of both autistic and non-autistic children and we knew then what was wrong. We got him dignosed just recently and we are working towards a more peaceful home. It's not easy being the mom of an autistic 2 year old who cannot speak enough words to tell you what is wrong or who won't hug or kiss you unless it's his idea. HOwever, I have learned that it was not my fault and i've learned strength like I have never known existed. It allowed me to get past my own health problems and work on his and work on the things my children needed without thought to how my health might deal with it. My health deals just fine so long as I listen to the doctor.

I have fought and fought for my children. Through hospitalizations of my own, through those who don't understand and the glares and curosity of others. I have fought, and I will keep fighting because I am a Warrior Mom and a proud mother of an autistic son and a son with CHD.

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Apr. 1, 2011 at 6:44 PM

Thank you for sharing your story with us! Awareness is key!

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