I had an unplanned c-section with my daughter on October 3, 2010.  My labor wasn't progressing, aside from my monster contractions...they were off the charts, and less than 30 seconds apart.  I noticed the doctor's exchange raised eyebrows, and it freaked me out!  I wanted to go all natural, but I couldn't even relax for a breath in between contractions, so I got an epidural.  Well, first they gave me a drip of something (I can't remember what it was, but it started with an F), which only lasted about 30 minutes.  Then the epidural came, and I felt fabulous!  I'll never bad mouth an epi again, that's for sure.

Well, we were there for about 2 or 3 hours, and I wasn't dilated or effaced AT ALL.  I was barely a 1 the entire time (they told me they normally wait til 3 for the epi, but didn't want me to wear myself out).  I slept most of the time.  Sometime around 6 in the morning, the doc came in and said my baby's heart rate was slowing with each contraction, but it "wasn't an emergency".  HOW IS THAT NOT AN EMERGENCY?!  Someone, please tell me.  I was super doped up, and none of my family spoke up, so I signed the papers.  My husband joined the Nat'l Guard in May, and was in SC for training =[  I really wish he'd been there.  He would have been level headed enough to weigh the pros and cons...

I went into surgery shortly after, and had my daughter at 8:51am on October 3.  She was a beautiful 6lbs 12oz, 20.5 inches long...and the most beautiful thing I've ever seen =]  100% healthy, and absolutely lovely.

I'm thankful that my daughter is here, and came without any more complications (I had preeclampsia)...but I feel highly inadequate for have a c-section.  I really wanted to push her out, and feel it.  I've come to terms with the epi...had I had a vaginal birth, I wouldn't have made it without one.  But the c-section...part of me feels that it could have been avoided.  Everytime I see or feel my scar, I want to cry.  It still hurts, but that's not why.  I feel like I failed, epically.

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