I have been perusing this site for the past 2 hours on and off, I just joined to see what it was all about. I am now thinking about leaving and never coming back. I was looking for a place where I could find support and perhaps some friendly advice from other moms. Instead I have found a place where people hold nothing back about their opinions on anything in turn making other people on the site feel like bad moms for the decisions they have made or things they have done. No two people are going to parent the same and no one can tell me they have all the answers on how to be a perfect parent. I didn't come to this site so I could read discussion posts and get anxiety just reading the awful responses some moms make to others' innocent questions. In this day in society with all the judgment people pass on their fellow citizens there is no need for us to cast dispersions on one another simply because we think differently than they do. I am horrified at some of the negativity I have seen here and if people are passing that negativity onto their children, there is no way the world is ever going to be a better place. I feel like the creators of this site wanted a place where moms could come for support and encouragement, not judgement and hatred.

sad

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Comments:

pair-...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 12:24 AM

 

Sorry you had a bad experience.

There are some MEAN, RUDE, and HATEFUL "women" on here. You just have to overlook some of the bull... I do!!welcome to cafemom

 

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Lb128f
Apr. 3, 2011 at 3:33 AM

welcome to cafemomI'm sorry too that you've read some rude comments...there truly is more to this site than what you've seen. I'd definitely by-pass the "New Members Group"...it's full of just what you've listed above and I'm not sure why CM directs new members to it. Please take the time to check out some other groups (you can do that by searching groups -- tab above -- and you can search by interests or zip code if you'd like to find something locally)...same with Moms -- tab also above. Also...the Popular Posts usually have good supportive comments. And, the Marketplace is part of the site that offers things Mom's have made or other "selling" posts. There is a Photo section -- tab above -- that lets you look through photos people have posted -- very cute. There are games to play under the Games tab (fun)! And...really so much more. You can design your homepage/profile page...you can use designs created by other members or create your own. I hope you'll decide to stay!

This is a good place to get started:

http://www.cafemom.com/about/getting_started.php

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daisyb
Apr. 3, 2011 at 12:04 PM

Sorry, you didn't get the chance to see all of the Good in CM- There are some Very Awesome Mommy's on this site- They will be there for you Day or Night, Go out of their way to help you find a answer you are looking for, Be that shoulder that you need to lean on, ect...... Unfortunately, There are also some Very Not so Awesome Mommy's on here too- They are here just to see who they can get worked up- you just have to let them roll off your back & move on- i wouldn't let those few run you away- Give it a chance...... Take Care-

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booti...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 4:25 PM

Sorry you had a bad experience here so far :( Just like real life there is good and bad people,just by pass and ignore the smart asses and find some good Mom's. There are MANY here :) Some of these so called "women" have thier cliches and won't comment on your post. Some will degrade. I treat others how I want to be treated. If they are mean I dump in right back at them. There are a select few I literally dislike hate on here and will go toe to toe with them here on CM or in real life.Anyway welcome to CM, enjoy and leave behind those rude hateful "people"

welcome to cafemomhow are youblowing kisses

 

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Adria...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 4:53 PM

I experienced the same thing. I have posted questions and Ill get snotty responces, and judgemental ones. Its sad.

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Tracys2
Apr. 3, 2011 at 5:38 PM

I think the "I don't get why they 'put stuff out there' if they want a sugar-coated answer" people are just more vocal than the rst of us, or at least they get our attention more.

If you see a question "how do I get my child to eat his veggies?" and you get 9 "I don't know, we struggle too, I have had a little success from ranch dressing" and 1 "you should never have fed your child anything BUT plain veggies and they'd love them by now, what is this world coming to? No wonder obesity is rampant" answer, you know which sticks with you.

Personally, I can't imagine anything less helpful than most "honest" answers. Setting yoruself against everybody's defenses is a way to feel superior and "just spread info", but it's never going to get most people to really listen to you, and it does seem to take a lot of the civility out of life.

I'm lucky enough that I have a great group I belong to (we've known each other almost 5 years now and migrated from another site). If I had more time, I'd join one with my interests, like Harry Potter or something. I'd think those would be nicer. The "public" groups make me sad. People like you who are still capable of being hurt are refreshing to me against all the "cool" people who aren't affected by anything, and think we shouldn't either. sigh.

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pinkf...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 6:11 PM

I hope you'll give us more of a chance.  Some people can be rude but there are alot of good women on here too.  You have to ignore some of the others.

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08Mrs...
Apr. 3, 2011 at 6:36 PM

I appreciate everyone's comments. I was just digusted after seeing some of the comment people post. Like I was just reading in the Babies discussion board and one girl asked about how to introduce whole milk to your child. One of the responses was something like "my daugher won't get that until she buys it herself". I mean serisouly people, none of us plan on raising our kids the same way, so there is no reason to make someone else feel bad about the way they choose to raise theirs. To each their own. IT just made me mad because the mom didn't ask IF she should give her child whole milk, she asked WHEN/HOW! If you don't have something constructive to say then keep it to yourself. I think many people should instill this motto in their children. There is no need for negativity in this world.

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ZsMommy
Apr. 3, 2011 at 7:45 PM

You apparently have not found the right group and probably just been looking around Newcomers which gets pretty wicked in there-what alot of new cafe members do not realize-Cafe now automatically enters you in newcomers-but you can leave there and find our own niche. The topics in there are not for everyone and the opinions fly left n right without worry of who gets hurt.

I've been with cafe since 2007 and have made some awesome friendships. No bashing in the groups I'm in-even own a group.

When I joined I never expected this would be a daily event in my life-just joined cuz I sick n tired of seeing the ad on another site I was on-almost left myself in the beginning-but I'm glad I didn't.

Some group topics get very heated and I will admit when it comes to parenting or the conversational forums-people don't hold back-thinking just because they're behind a computer screen they can be as wicked as they want to.

Maybe you should look around some more til you find the "right" group-there's so many on here-and if you don't find the right one-start your own-lay down your ground rules and allow no negativirt in the group.

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justt...
Apr. 4, 2011 at 10:44 AM

Don't leave CM! :) I found the same exact thing at first. You just need to find the right groups. Search for your interests and then "shop" around for groups. I have found really good groups and REALLY BAD groups! You can surround yourself with positive friends and let the negative nelly's stay where they are!! Good Luck finding your perfect space on cafemom and Welcome!

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