I am sitting here, as I do on many nights, unable to sleep.  My sweet husband and children are all asleep upstairs, and I am here, alone, with nothing but the ticking of the clock on the wall and the soft clicks of the computer keyboard to keep me company.  I almost wish that I were awake due to insomina, but that's not the case.  I'm awake because of the pain.

I've been suffering from horrible pelvic and abdominal pain for more than 2 years now.  I've even been rushed to the emergency room because of it.  I've been to 3 different doctors now, not including the doctors that I saw in the emergency room.  They ran a whole array of tests on me in the ER (I cannot remember the names of the tests since I was pretty well drugged out of my gourd.  I was having my own personal reenactment of Woodstock.) but I remember what they did, and I remember that they didn't find anything except a very high white blood cell count (over 15,000).  The doctor that saw me there blamed ME outright for the pain that I was in, saying that I must have eaten something fried or fatty which caused me to be in pain, since I don't have a gallbladder anymore.  I tried to tell him that I never fry anything, or eat anything fried, but he still blamed me.  They sent me home with a prescription for the pain, and for nausea ( which I also suffer from on a daily basis.  I never throw up, but I feel sick to my stomach every single day).  They referred me to a doctor for follow up, and that was that. 

I saw doctor number 2, and he asked about my pain, which I told him was still with me...it was a 5 on that day instead of a 9 like it was the day I went to the ER.   He did more blood work (my white cell count was still over 12,000, 3 days after my trip to the ER...but I have no fever or other signs of infection.  No one has ever been able to explain that one to me!)  He had me schedule another appointment, and wanted more blood drawn.  Okay.

When I saw him again,  I told him that I was still in this ungodly pain, and nothing that I did helped it.  I watch my diet very carefully, I limit my fat intake and just generally eat healthy as much as humanly possible.  I never suffer from heartburn or acid indigestion.  But he is convinced that I have acid reflux.  So he prescribes me Prilosec.  Umm.  Doc?  Are you listening to me at all?  NO heartburn, NO indigestion, NO signs of anything like a hiatal hernia (my father has one from years of GERD)...NOTHING but this pain like being impaled on a thousand sharp knives, in my belly, from my ribs to my pubic bone, constantly.  No tests no nothing...it's got to be acid reflux.   NEVER even investigated why my white cell count was STILL over 12,000...now 2 weeks after my initial visit to the ER.  Oh...and NOTHING for the pain, by the way.  Thanks a lot, doc.

So, I decide to see another doctor.  It's a doctor that my mother sees, and they take very good care of her.  She has Crohn's disease, and they are always very thorough with her and take good care of her...and I'm glad for that.  But this was not the case for me.  I saw the same doctors, and again they write it off as being acid reflux.  Excuse me, but do you doctors have a hearing problem?  Did you not listen to the symptoms that I'm telling you?!  Sure, acid reflux could cause the nausea and the pain in the upper portion of my abdomen, but not the WHOLE THING!  Not the pain in my lower back, not the pain in my ovaries, not the pain that I experience during sex ( depending on the position...I don't want to get TOO graphic), not the horrible incapacitating mind-altering PAIN that I feel all of the time, and it goes from horrible to EPIC when approaching my period.  Aren't you even going to do a pelvic exam?  Or an ultrasound, to see if one of the clamps came off from my gallbladder surgery and make sure I'm not leaking bile into my abdomen?  Aren't you going to do ANYTHING?  Aren't you even going to try?  No.  They're not.  Here's a prescription for Prilosec, and an antihistamine for your panic attacks.  Oh, and nothing for your pain, by the way.  Take Tylenol.  

So I go home, empty handed and with no answers, no help.  I tried to be a good girl, and I took the Prilosec like the doctor told me.  It made me so sick, I had to stop taking it.  My husband called the doctor for me, because I was in tears from the agony I was in.  He got nowhere.

So I went to the gynecologist last week.  I was in need of a pap smear, anyway, and I wanted to discuss my pain with the doctor.  My mother had endometriosis, but didn't know it for years.  She'd suffered from horrible back pain, but never knew what she had until it was discovered that she had a huge tumor on her uterus.  They found the endometriosis when they performed her hysterectomy.  She was 33 at the time, and I'm 35 now.  I wanted answers.

I went, and the doctor actually listened to me.  He gave me the most thorough (and horrific, I might add) pelvic exam of my life, and is sending me for an ultrasound on Wednesday of this week.  But he wouldn't give me anything for my pain.  I guess he wants to be sure of what is going on before he treats my symptoms.  He said that it could be endometriosis, fibroids, or some other condition with the nerves in my pelvis.  I don't remember what the name of it was at the moment.    I guess that it doesn't really matter, in the long run.

So, here I sit, in agony.  Nothing helps the pain.  Not heat, or cold.  Tylenol doesn't even scratch the surface.  I sit here, like I do so many nights, exhausted and in pain.  All I want in the world is to feel better, and to be able to go to bed with my husband.  I miss him, especially on nights like this.  We're so in love with each other, and he is such an amazing and patient man, and all I want is to be close to him.  But the pain keeps me away.  And I know it breaks his heart, because I know that it breaks mine.

I am hoping and praying for answers, for relief.  I am praying that I won't be treated like an addict because I want some relief for this pain. (Which is how the other doctors treated me when I asked for something to help with the pain).  I am praying for this to end.  I don't know how much longer I can hang on.

Pray for me.

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Apr. 5, 2011 at 4:44 PM

Sending prayers....praying

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Apr. 5, 2011 at 5:26 PM

My gosh, I don't know how you do it!  I hope you get some answers really soon, if you don't with this doctor I would go to a specialist and insist that they do some thorough exams and tests, meanwhile you need some pain meds! You sound pretty fired up in your journal, you need to be this way when you see doctors! Have you ever did some research on the Internet? I know you can go into certain websites like," web md" and put in your symptoms and get some answers.  Hang in there, and start raising some hell with these freekin doctors!

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