last night was horrible. I made one comment he didnt like and I received a remote control on my arm and ofcourse insults, being ignored and I hate it. I tried to stand up for me but he only said tha since I said he didnt care for me or how he treated me when he was upset than he wasnt going to care for me or how he treats me anymore, he will have no thought for my well being....

men its so hard to be in a situation like this, and I cant leave I dont know why...

I hate him, I actually hate him, and that scares me cuz how can I be with some one I hate, why the hell Im I such a coward. Im so afraid of him. and I have no one here to help me no family no friends no job, nothing...

I just wanna die, I really feel like killing my self today..

why is t so damn hard for him to respect me, to treat me like his wife,

why Im I such a nothing..

 

slapping forehead

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Comments:

kimbe...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 10:58 AM

aww honey...I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are not "nothing" you are somebody to your children. He is the one with the problem, not you.Can you call an abuse hotline in your area? They will be able to advise you of what you can do. You DON'T have to live that way.It may seem hard now..but just imagine..one day a year from now..you can look back on today and see how far you've gotten..and it will be wonderful! Set yourself free. All women have a built in courage system..you just have to reach for it and pull it out from yourself and use it.You can do it.Use your anger, your heartfelt hatred toward him and use it to energize you into getting out..getting away and making your life better..making it one that you deserve. You CAN leave. He has you mentally trapped.Please, call someone to help you. I will pray for you. I'm sending you a hug,much prayer. I will be thinking of you today.

 

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bammsd
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:27 AM

If only it was that easy, I have talked to help center for women here and they only tell me to leave, but where will I go with no money and no job, what will I do with my kids while I look for one. my family is 4 countries away.

Im alone, at his mercy...

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justt...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:34 AM

You are not nothing. Never believe that about yourself. You are a mother, and that is something! Being a mother is better than anything else in this world. Call the help center and ask for the nearest battered woman's shelter. Get yourself and your children to the shelter. You don't need to live like this!

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heiditr
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:38 AM

sounds scary i know but u must remember there is noman worth taking ur own life for!!!  U are a human being that deserves tobe treated like one, with respect,love, kindness, an most of all support! I have been in ur shoes for bout 16 yrs. and now divorced almost 2 yrs. I kept telling myself it will get better, I put my heart in soul to my marriage in hopes everything would change for the better? (granted we have 3 amazing children together.) So that is most of the reason I tried so hard. But what I realized was I am a humanbeing that deserves better, an besides the fact what is this showing our children?? after all they learn by what they see etc.  What is happening is abuse! But u don't need anyone to tell u that cause u probaly already are aware of it?? But what u may not be aware of is there are places an agencies to help u, call the police if urafraid for ur life! ( i realize at time's it is easier said then done..) start keeping a jouranl of everything you say, he say's, what goes on, date's ,times, etc. And be very specific bout details. cause when u leave him u may need a no-contact order, an u will have this information to back up ur statements.An most of all take pics of the bruises.. This would help tremendously specialy in court! I hope this helps u out in any way possible, an if u would like fel free to msg me on my pg.i hope all goes well .....

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kimbe...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:46 AM

Is there another womens center you can contact since the one you went to is turning you away? There has got be some kind of help where you are. What country do you live in? Maybe you can google up some information since you have access to a computer.

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bammsd
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:57 AM

I live in Costa Rica, the women center here is actually pretty good but there are no shelters here and the only help they give is legal help, to get a restraining order and the monthly payment for the kids, thats it.

Im trapped, he wins

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heiditr
Apr. 5, 2011 at 11:59 AM

when i left i called the domestic violence center and they are the ones whom helped me and my children! we went thru counseling an the helped me look for places  to live an signed up for state aid, and even helped me in finding a job! they gave me an my kids a warm bed, food an clothing! They have helped me get back on my feet, then my ex-an I reconciled our diffrences, he went to counseling, as a family we took counseling this only lasted for a short while. It was called the honeymoon phase, they say domestic abuse is a cycle that is repeated over an over. an it is. Things get rocky for a bit then every thing seems like a fairy tale then back to being rocky. wish i could help u soo much more , if u need to talk or just a friend msg me...

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FDNYwife
Apr. 9, 2011 at 8:10 AM

Have you honestly told your family in the other country what hes been doing?  see if anyone can help you, even temporarily. Im sure someone could do something knowing the children are involved!

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