I just can't ever seem to win, no matter what I do I always seem to fail.  The only thing I seem to have going for me right now is that I have been blessed with two beautiful boys that mean the world to me but other then that I'm really in a slump, a slump that has been going on for quite sometime and I'm just sick and tired of it all.   My boyfriend left me and is staying with his mom after we had a big argument, he is the father of my youngest son and who my 9 year old considers to be his dad since his biological one isn't around, and now he's gone.  Him and my 9 year old can not get along,  I just don't get it, what did I do wrong, why does it have to be this way.  Finally a guy came along to take on the responsiblity and care for my son and now its all falling apart.  I feel torn between the two, the man I love and my flesh and blood, he verbally abused my son while we were arguing, told him he wasn't his father, called him names, tried to take a hold of him all because my son was protecting me which is what he does when we fight, I know its horrible that he seen it and I feel so awful, I just don't know what to do anymore, I don't have the answers and he seems to think the answer is to take off and leave us I guess.  I don't want him to be gone but his behavior was totally uncalled for and I feel so bad for my son, having to listen to him ridicule him and say those things, what kind of man belittles a child to his face like that?  Part of me wants to say to hell with him for acting that way and showing just how cruel he can be and the other part of me loves him unconditionally, but I will always stand up for my son and what I think is right whether he likes it or not.  So I guess it looks like I'm going to be a single mom again, and really he is a good dad to our baby,  I just wish he could be this good of a dad to my other son, I just wish it would all work out, but I'm at my limit with it and don't know which way to turn, he says he's done, but I've heard that before, time will tell, but I still remain with no answers and a broken heart.

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Apr. 7, 2011 at 9:22 AM

Life is hard an god definetly dosen't give us more then he thinks we are capable to handle! I am proud of u for standing up for ur son, he deserves that an by doing so ur showing ur son deserves to be treated better! An ur self for sure. Stop an think bout everything this way he may be a good father to his son now, but what's not saying he wont change as the child get's older an starts walking an doing things etc? what's not saying he wont start treating his child like he is doing now to his step child? I think it was best that he left cause it could of got a lot worse later on down the road.. I know u feel lost, an hurt but u have two wonderful children to take care of an be strong for. SO get up an wipe off ur brows an hold ur head up high an be proud of who u are ( standing up for ur children) an push forward. Sooner or later u will meet Mr.Right whom is willing to accept u an ur children for who u guy's are. It just takes time, have faith and be strong u will prevail!

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