im tired of ppl down playin one of the things that bothers me most. i found out at the end of last year that i have chf (congestive heart failure) and that the lower left chamber of my heart doesnt work. my dh says his mom was diagnosed with it and lived 10 yrs beyond and only died bc of cancer. my sis had it and died of complications of pneumonia and one of my closest cousins was diagnosed with it when her son passed in 2006. of that list 2 have died and my momma died of a massive heart attack idk if she had it. but all this shit worries and depresses me. its brought me closer to my own mortality in the sense that a near death experience does for ppl with the opposite reaction....i dont have the new lease on life outlook but rather the my life is soon to be over feelin. so i guess its kinda like bein told u have a terminal illness. when i got the news i was in shock so i just smiled idky nerves maybe..... but when it dawned on me hell i flipped out and called my go to person and she calmed me down for a minute but it keeps comin back. i wanna say bc i started back smokin eatin salty foods etc but truth is i flipped alot before i gave up.  and now it just seems im waitin for it to either get better or just end. im stuck somwhere hidin and scared and dont know how to find the fighter in me so i can kick this things ass.

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sleep...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 8:23 AM

get your boxing gloves on and get to work..you can do it!!!

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