My husband and I have been having problems for quite some time now, and after finally feeling like I can't take anymore I decided to seek some counseling on my own. My husband has refused to go with me time and time again, despite knowing we have problems that need fixing. My counselor has been trying to get me to see that he has his own issues aside from our marital issues, and I understand that perfectly. However, after months in counseling there is only so much I can do for our marriage on my own. He claims he's working on our issues in his own way.

So the other day, my 16 month old snatched my husbands phone and was running through the house with it. He has a tendency to pitch things, so I grabbed it before he tossed it in the toilet or something. His phone was open to a text message convo between him and a woman from the night before. I did NOT go through his phone, it was already activily open to this text message. She was asking if I had gone to bed because I was taking up time from her baby. That she loved him...That she wanted to meet up with him and that it wouldn't just be a booty call.

I was so upset I about hyperventilated. I confronted him right then. Asked him about it, and what the heck he was doing when I thought he was "trying to work on our marriage". I feel totally betrayed. He claims he's never even met her, that he went on craigslist to find someone to talk to about our problems. HELLO?! You don't go on CRAIGSLIST to find someone to help you with your marriage. You go on craigslist for booty calls. Anyway, he says he doesn't trust counseors and that is why he won't go. He finds every reason in the book not to go to counseling with me. But he's claiming that he promises to work on things. And my feeling now is, "yeah, you're going to find some other bimbo to 'talk' it out with". I told him that if he can't go for help with me that this marriage isn't going to work. And he told me that I am welcome to go, "there is the door", but don't think about taking the kids.

This happened last weekend, my finding the text convo. Since then he says he told that woman to get lost. He's been kissing butt, making me breakfast, and coming right to bed at night, and asking me to go on "dates" with him. But I still feel completely betrayed. My feeling is  "how long will this last before he finds "help" somewhere else?" He's apologized, and made promises...but I just can't get past feeling betrayed.

What would you do?

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Comments:

LadyS...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 11:55 AM

I would take the kids and leave. He can't stop you from taking them with you. He is kissing butt because he was caught  cheating or attempting to. IMO cheating is the only deal breaker in a marraige other than abuse. If he is not willing to get counceling to work on your marriage that should raise big flags too. It sounds to me that he is not willing to do any of the work because he doesn't care.

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xavie...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 2:18 PM

you're right the ass kissing probably won't last long. he's only doing that because he got caught. he obvisiously doesn't want to work on your marriage. he will find some other bimbo to 'talk' to on craigslist. he can't keep from taking your children. although you're married you have rights to them. if i were you i'd leave him and get a divorce. i'm sorry you are going through this. in the long run it's probably for the best.

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