My mind is always running a billion miles a minute. I am a first time Mom, and HEAD OVER HEALS in love with this little stranger growing inside of me. I am 24 and my mom passed away about a year and a half ago. We were as close as could be. During my teenage years, she was my worst enemy, which made me appreciate her even more as an adult. We were too much alike. Both of us always had to have the last word, and we both tried to raise our voice above each others. Of course Mom always won this battle because if I kept trying to win, I would have a red imprint on my face of her hand! LOL Much deserved I must say as I look back..

As I graduated high school, I found myself panicking about starting my life. My mom and I became much closer then. When I was a toddler, she was a single mother of two and she was your stereo-typical independent woman that had the world in the palm of her hands. It was almost liked she liked it being just us three. (my brother, my mother and I, this was until she met my step dad that adopted me at 2) My brother told me everything was a journey. She lived in Texas, and then moved to California where she had a great job and made quite a bit of $$ so she would take us to see the most amazing things. Of course, I don't remember any of it.

She lead me through my options after graduating and taught me how to become a strong independent woman like herself. I will forever be thankful for that. We became best of friends. She was my rock, and in some ways, I was hers as well. She took me out for my 21st birthday and I remember trying to keep up with her.. That proved to be a mistake! LOL she was so easy going and fun loving! I had never seen this side of my mom since she was too busy being.. Well.. Mom!

Now as I carry my child, I think of her every day with my hand over my belly. She had beautiful hands, and luckily I got that from her. My hands look just like hers! Sometimes I catch myself staring at them, missing her fingers running through my hair as she calmed me down over anything that upset me. With my hand on my belly, I see her hand resting on her belly as I grew inside of her. As she fell in love with me and could not wait to meet me! I am in her shoes now and would give anything to go through this with her. But then again, I already am. She is right here, in my heart and when sometimes I need a glimpse of my best friend, the woman who guided me through my hardest years, my beautiful mother, I look down at my hands, and there she is.

I wonder if my son will ever appreciate me as much as I appreciated her. I wonder if I will live up to her standards, and follow in her footsteps. I hope so, but I have a feeling that she will still be right there with me guiding me as I learn and strive to be a mother like her. My mother, my best friend, the beautiful Independent women.

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