jugglingWhen I met my husband going on 23 years ago this November - I know we talked about spending our lives together and the things we would do together. Now as it comes up on our 20th wedding anniversary in June and our son's 5th birthday also in June, I have to laugh. Somehow having his father living with us and with emphysema wasn't in the picture. Nor was having my mother live with us too.  I now have become chauffer, pill giver, and caretaker to a 79 year old who sometimes acts like a 2 year old. My son -my sweet son is handling our crowded house but does get upset that me (his MOM) has to take care of everything and everyone! My dh is a work-aholic, works 6 days a week.  I work part-time and sometimes wonder just how I manage.  My mother does help me by watching my son when I go to work in the afternoon. But it is not easy living with her, she tries to put in her two cents on everything and anything. She likes to throw in my face about how she raised me - yes she raised me but my childhood wasn't as rosy and fun as she believes. I don't recall her getting down on the floor and playing with me. Or joining in my games, etc.  - I get down on the floor and play with my son, I encourage him to use his imagination and join in with him. I teach my son to be independent and do for himself - and be vocal. Yes sometimes he is too vocal but I grew up afraid to speak what was on my mind -I don't want that for him. Sorry getting off the subject so here I am a 46 year old woman going on 47 and wondering just when I signed up to be a nursemaid and chauffeur to someone who is just going to get worse. The doctors have given my fil a year or two at best - I dread the day he does pass my son will be devastated. He loves his VOVO!

Well funny here it is May 20th and I am looking down at the months ahead of me - and still wonder how I do it. Think one of the reasons I do was summed up on Mother 's day this year when instead of cards (except the homemade ones from my son) dh and him hugged me, kissed me, tickled me and admitted that they couldn't live or imagine their lives without me  I'm their world...that was just priceless! 

Well my son has managed to make it through the passing of his VoVo - John passed Nov. 8th last year, he wanted me to take him to the hospital on the 7th and we went by ambulance. He passed in his sleep - I know in my heart of heart he was ready and didn't want to be found by my dh or son. or me in his bed.  My husband went finally to the cemetary just last week - first time since the funeral. I try to go at least once every other week just to pay my respects and clean their grave.  I know their other sons and their families don't even go. 

As far as my mother - she drives me NUTS.  She is lazy, doesn't do anything to lift a finger around here to clean, cook or anything.  She mentions moving out on her own and I ask her how is she going to manage that when she can't even clean, or buy her own groceries.  She has a good thing here. Yea she pays us rent but that includes: hot water, heat, central a/c, cable and Internet, phone with international calling, cell phone, laundry, dishwasher, back yard and now a pool. And she doesn't contribute toward grocery shopping but wish she would.  The thing that gets under my skin though is when she steps in when it comes to my son - I have told her lately to butt out. He's my son and I'm raising him - my son does turn on her and say "yeah grandma".  and I smirk but do tell him that is wrong.  I have let her know that she was not invited here to help me raise my son or take care of my husband or me -that is my job! We took her in cause we know that she couldn't make it on her own. The economy is not the greatest right now and times are tight...but if she thinks she can manage on her own =there's the door. that shuts her up!

Funny when my fil was alive - I wondered somedays what it would be like if I wasn't caregiver to him - the s**t my mother gives me I long for those days when John was alive. Yes I admit I miss my fil and the things he would do to help out around the house and help me - when my own mother who is healthy and capable does NOTHING! 

 

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Comments:

beckie66
Apr. 10, 2011 at 8:21 PM

Cherish these moments, though...many kids don't ever get to meet their grandparents, let alone live with them.   *hug*

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brand...
Apr. 10, 2011 at 9:55 PM

We dont sign up for it.....your heart is where it needs to be. im sure hes thankful that you are there helping him.....Somehow, its a part of who we are and what we must do as a family. I am prepared somehow when they day may come...I will have to evaluate the situation and make do...unfortunately you have a young child in the mix of this and its not so easy.....But, you seem to be a very strong woman indeed and its not permanent. Just know your good heart and God knows that if something happens to you, your son will rememeber how good you were to his grandparents and how you were there for them...and will do the same for you...your in my prayers. take a break!!

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dlee620
Apr. 10, 2011 at 10:34 PM

Linda, you have a big heart to take in both your FIL and your Mother.  I hope they both appreciate you and Al and everything both of you do for them. 

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dulls...
Apr. 11, 2011 at 10:08 AM

live life with no regrets!! you'll be glad 'after'' that you did all you do for those who can't do for themselves any longer. plus, you're setting a great example to your child, who will appreciate you all the more as he matures and, eventually, may be your caretaker. 

bravo!

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salty...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 9:49 PM

I wonder how you do it too!
I guess I should be glad to have my dad around, since my mom lives so far away.

I understand what you said here too: "I grew up afraid to speak what was on my mind -I don't want that for him. "

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