Random Thoughts

I have gone through so many changes in the past year it's incredible. I quit smoking, started working out and eating healthy, which is cascading through me mentally ( it does help that I meditate too) I feel so much stronger in every way. I went to a place called golden and silver falls yesterday. The upper falls is really high. I went last  year and my heart was racing with fear the entire time. This year I looked over the edge and nothing except a damn good view. I know that my body being stronger is a big part of it. That fact that I know my legs are strong and that they are not going to buckle underneath me is so powerfully amazing, simple but powerful.

I tought myself calming techniquicks to quit smoking and had no idea how it would effect other things. I really sucked at first. I yelled at my kids way more than I ever have (lots of guilt) but in the end we will all be healthier and happier and they will learn from my mistakes hopefully.

I think my husband is seeing a difference too. We split up 4 months ago and in the last couple of weeks he is talking to me again. I miss him so much, he's my best friend. He actually said I look sexy the other day. and now he wants to go on a "long ass hike" with me. I refuse to think or analyze this to much, which doesn't work with me. I also wont say anything about how I feel I don't want him to feel he is under any pressure. I just wanna have fun again with my best friend.

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