MamaCyjo's Journal

Opinions are like a$$holes

Ugh! Why do I always do this to myself! I keep starring at this freaking HPT trying to make a 2nd line manifest itself. I know its early, since I am either 8 or 10 DPO. My BBT chart and I disagree. Here's my chart for reference. Its a liar by the way, or I feel like it is hahaha. I have starred so long at this test my head is pounding and my eyes are burning. I am making myself mirserable stressing over something that I know isn't gonna happen. At what point do I say just stop? Accept that things are the way they are and be done with it.

I have a mound of house work that needs to be done, but I am still feeling weak from the stomach virus or whatever the hell I had Saturday night and Sunday. I know I am severely dehydrated and I tried drinking some pedialyte OMG! That is some nasty stuff right there. I don't know how kids drink it ! YUCK! I tried the orange and the grape both are gross! Plus everything that was in Courtlin's room is spread over the entire house! Bull crap! I am not going to clean and straight up around stuff that's in my way! To boot Caitlan is ill today, not sure why but whatever she's ill. Super fussy, everything I do isn't good enough for her. I am either holding her the wrong way, or something. All she has done is screamed to the tip top of her lungs today- I've changed, nursed, burped, rubbed orajel on her gums, gave her gas drops, the whole freaking nine and she is still peircing my eardrums. She took a whopping 15 minute break from shrieking but back at now.

Michael found my secret stash of OPK wrappers and questioned me as to why I was still wasting my money buying those things. I tried to play it off like it was an old package. Busted. There's a freaking date on there! WTF? Anyway, He told me I needed to think long and hard about how it will negatively affect everyone in the family. Not just myself or him, but every one. He suggested I would be stealing Caitlan's babyhood if I have another baby. IF I were to "Fall" pregnant it wouldn't be born until after Caitlan's first birthday hello!? And I understand where he is saying it may negatively affect Courtlin as she still isn't 100% adjusted to having a baby sister because she consumes a great deal of my time. I guess I need to step back and look at the broad picture because I am apparently only seeing a small section (or so says Michael). All I have is pregnancy and my kids, they are my hobby if you will. Michael says I need to get a cheaper hobby but anyway!

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Apr. 13, 2011 at 5:58 AM

I am sorry you haven't got your BFP.  Your journal makes it sound like you are actively trying to get pregnant, whilst your husband doesn't want to - going behind his back with OPK's. Whilst I can understand your desire to have another child, tricking your DH/DF may well put a wedge between you. How old is your littlest? Enjoy her and help your oldest adjust to her sibling - it might help win your husband round sooner.

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