Sometimes I feel like an awesome mom, sometimes my son does something so sweet or polite, I think "I must be doing something right."  Then there's nights like tonight where I battle for every moment just to not have someone crying.  Then I struggle to get the baby to sleep (this is by far the thing I hate most about motherhood-hated it with Jakob too).  Just as I am about to win the war, here comes my son screaming and hollering about something.  I try to shush him or get him to leave and he doesn't.  Before you know it, baby is screaming again, I lose my cool and start screaming at son, who starts throwing a fit and screaming and crying.  Byt the end of it all, we are all three crying because I feel guilty for loosig my cool with a two year old who doesn't understand and that I love more than I can even comprehend.  I really hate the way babies are so dependent on you, but of course I adore my daughter too.  It was hard with Jakob, and its even harder now having two kids.  I can't understand why anyone would have more, unless it's true, and I am a terrible mother, the worst on the planet.  Why can't I handle this? Why do I feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel....I can't wait for summer, but I am terrified of spending all day with my kids...how sad is that.  To top it off, hubby got a new job, and will be working even more now.  I feel so selfish for wishing for time alone, but I am really drowing here.  I feel like I don't even have an identity...I can't do the basic things that need done....laundry gets washed and lays on piles, never to be folded.  The pets are neglected....don't even get me started on dishes. 

I just don't know what to do except go cry myself to sleep yet again and start tommorrow knowing every second I get closer to all of this happening again.

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Comments:

homem...
Apr. 12, 2011 at 9:33 PM

It is ok sweetie, we have all been there. Seriously, I have 3 and yes, I thought the same thing..no more but God had bigger plans for me. I am a stay at home mom to a 9 yr old, 4 yr old and 11 mos old. Most days I am stressed. I have realized that I am not always gonna get everything done or when I want it done. But just be thankful that you and your family are healthy. Don't hesitate to ask family or Hubby when he is there to pitch in. {hugs}

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Nanixh
Apr. 12, 2011 at 10:35 PM

Mama, I know how you feel, I'm right there with you. I've got a 5 year old, 22 month old, and a 1 month old. Some days I want to just lock myself in a closet and scream and scream while ripping my hair out. Of course the bad days are soon forgotten, and the good always outweighs the bad. You are NOT a bad mother!!! If that were the case I think anyone with children would be catagorized as such =P Nobody is perfect and you're only trying to do your best, same as me and any other mom out there. *cyber hug*

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sydne...
Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:52 AM

ur not a bad mom far from it we all have our moments where we just cant take it anymore and unintentionally snap on the kids i know i do it esp when theyre both going hard core not listening and just doing whatever they want its a normal reaction and every normal mother wishes for ALONE time at times or even time w 1 kid around instead of 2 or 3 shot 1 is a breeze but once u get to 2 i dont think more after that would be much different lol ur not a bad mother dont stress over that fact motherhood is stressful enough without worrying about if ur doing it right all the time whenever i used to try and have to get ds to sleep when he was little i would close to door and lock it and dare dd to come close to it and to sit and watch tv til i got done or id put her to bed first she was a lil older she was over 5 when ds was born but those worked well for me maybe u could try those

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