On August 31 1996 I gave birth to a 7lb10oz healthy, beautiful baby boy. He was the light of my life. He was the best baby, didn't cry a lot, smiled all the time. He was an easy baby, and the love of my life. I was married to his Dad, and we were trying to make it work as a family, but in the end it just didn't. We divorced when our son was 4, and my ex never looked back. He literally vanished from his life. For the next 8 yrs I tried to make a life for us, I remarried, had 2 more boys, and tried to have a normal life. But the man I married didn't love my son, and didn't want to. He was mentally abusive to me, and eventually we divorced. There we were, the 4 of us, on our own. It was a good time in our lives, no stress from the mental abuse, just living life, and feeling normal for once. My oldest seemed to be doing okay. I didn't date anyone, didn't bring anyone around my boys for fear it would really mess them us, so I remained single. Until I met someone completely by accident. I met him at my work, and I was terrified to continue it because of the boys. I didn't let him meet them, until I finally had to. We knew we were in love, and he was willing to embrace me and the boys, and told me that he would love all of us. So the day came and they met him. They instantly took to him. It was like they knew him all of their lives, and from that day on it's been wonderful. So we kept seeing each other, and then we eventually married. Our boys were so happy....

So now we're at this point. My oldest held all the feelings he had inside about his biodad, and now he's depressed. He cries easily, has no motivation, is down most days. His grades are suffering. I have spoke to him off and on, but he doesn't want to share anything with me. He gets very angry about it all. So I called a therapist, and he saw her this evening. I'm not sure if this will help, but I pray it does. He was my light, my smiley baby, and I want to see that light in his eyes again. I'm so scared that one day I'm going to walk in his room and find him dead. I pray this is day one on a new path.... I'm going to write a new journal post once a week after his session, and hope that they will become more positive, and he will be doing better...

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Apr. 12, 2011 at 10:24 PM

Bless your heart. I will pray too. Your story touched my heart. God is so great, He will work in his life. Simply trust Him.

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