I have been contacting attorneys all week to try to get some information on step parent adoption. I know that it is possible to do without the bio father's consent at this point (hasn't paid child support since 2004, hasn't had contact since May 2010, no visitation order on file with the court, lengthly criminal background, just to name a few of the reasons that I can do it). But the big issue is that bio father has to be informed of the adoption. This makes no sense to me at all. He doesn't care about the child anymore, has since started "another family" (he has 2 children with high school g/f, then my son with me, and now is having another 1). I just want to get it done as quickly and easily as possible. He doesn't want anything to do with the child we have together and has made that very clear, but on the other hand, holds that "I have parental rights" over my head through anything I'm trying to do. It is just so frustrating.

Every attorney I have talked to tells me the same thing...that he can go to court and contest the adoption. Although it is doubtful that he will win, I don't see any point in him even taking me to court over it, but also know that he will. The adoption alone is $2500 and if bio father contests then I have to hire another attorney to do the trial case work which is done at an hourly rate (cheapest being $175/hr)**I'm really in the wrong business, lol**

It just really kills me that bio father, even after all he has and mostly hasn't done, still has the power to do this. There is no time limit either...even if he stays out of my son's life for the next 5 years it still wouldn't matter, I would still have to inform him and then he would still have a chance to have his day in court to contest the adoption. UGH!!!!

Add A Comment


Apr. 13, 2011 at 2:53 PM

Well, if its like that then HE SHOULD BE PAYING CHILD SUPPORT due to his parental rights. SO.. go file for that.

And I would say to the attorneys, I havent gotten any CS since 04, 1 short call to my son 2010 and I have no idea WHERE HE IS.  Can we announce it in the news paper and see if anyone who knows him can tell me where he is?? ( just a thought)

BUT... HE IS THE CHILDS FATHER. and why have hubby adpot him? whats that gonna do, besides hold NEW HUBBY responsible for CS if anything happens between you all ( just saying).  What is gonna change by the adoption?? the bond between child and stepdad?? I dont get it, everythings gonna stay the same anyways except the last name and a peice of paper.

Message Friend Invite

Apr. 14, 2011 at 6:11 AM

I have filed for child support, but he still isn't paying. Part of the $14,000 that he his behind belongs to the state of IN. They won't do anything to him, and it's not as if I can make him get a job. He has filed for disability and that's part of the reason the state will not take action against him.

I could run a public notice in the newspaper, but because I have his mother's address, the attorney suggested that it would be better to send it directly to him, because I have to run the ad for a total of 6 months before any legal action can be taken.

I know it will only change my son's last name, but with all the issues that he has, the last name is an important thing to him. I'm not concerned with child support from my husband...obviously I could care less about child support seeing that bio father owes for several years. With bio father still having his parental rights, he is supposed to be informed of everything that happens with my son. It also means that he can have access to school and medical records. In the past, he has tried to pick him up from school, but because he wasn't on the contact list, they didn't let him take my son.

It would mean the world to my son if he had what he calls "a real dad" in his life and I really feel that alot of his behaviors and actions would calm or possibly even stop if we were able to get the adoption through.

Message Friend Invite (Original Poster)

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in