Bearjen's Randomness on Parade

yes , there will be candy thrown....

 It hurts me to my core to log in as "bearsjen".  I am no longer his and yet I am not myself yet either.

To any abused woman, that makes sense.

I wonder daily at which point I will stop both loving and hating Bill. Does he deserve my love?  lol hell no, but there it is.

The hope and prayer of all persecuted and abused women, that the abuser will do an "about face" and stop being sick, stop being...abusive.  So far in my story, there has been nothing but cruelty.

I miss cm, I miss my friends, who are my family at this site. To all of you, even if I am not in touch,

I am still here, alive, a survivor of this mess.

and I thank God each day for you all.

xoxo-jenni

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Comments:

RoseP...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 1:33 PM

where have you been? whats going on? i've tried calling a few times and left a few messages but haven't heard back.

How's laim? jake? you?

I miss you!

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Bearsjen
Apr. 14, 2011 at 1:41 PM

miss u more-how r the kids?b is stalking us thru many places so we are now in a safe place...Katie-did...I miss u 2 and will givwe info when it's safe.

miss you.

 

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mandi...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 5:08 PM

That's a shame. Can you not change your screen name? Email CM and tell them you need another account and cancel this one. Good luck hun.

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jennb...
Apr. 14, 2011 at 11:28 PM

Stay strong, the hurt and anger and pain that comes from an abusive relationship takes time to get rid of. I am going through it myself. There are days I don't want to get out of bed, but I do, and I do it for my children. I am starting to be my true self again and it feels good! Baby steps! Think of it like this, your love didn't make him want to change, being nice to him didn't matter, he won't change, and he will tell you that he will, but that is the power he wants to control you with. Take back your power and show him what a great person he lost! This is what he chose, and as hard as it is, it wasn't you. It sucks, but you can get through this! One day at a time. Check your area for support groups, they help me so much!!! Good luck!

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mefingas
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:27 PM

Giant hugs. I am glad you are in a safe place. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope things get better. I know the reasons for not changing your sn but I think it maybe time. It is time to move on Jen.  Miss you.

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Bearsjen
Apr. 15, 2011 at 10:37 PM

ty for the support my friends, and to Jenniblossom72(my new pal :)-u  are so great to let me know so frankly I am not alone.

I keep breathing, thru it all-what else can I do ?

xox

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rkoloms
May. 29, 2011 at 7:27 PM

I think about you often...

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