April 18, 2011

Health and Medical Issues: When health and medical issues become an obstacle, how do you modify and yet maintain your service to your Dominant partner?

I have recently been dealing with a temporary physical disability. Back around mid-January I suffered an injury that at first was not obvious, but around mid-February, it became much more apparent that I was becoming rather limited in what I was physically capable of doing.

I had fallen off of our front porch, which had become iced over following an ice storm that pushed thru our area., and landed on my back.

As a result, I eventually learned that I had herniated a disc in my neck which was pressing upon the root nerve that traveled down my left arm.

I was dealing with a great deal of pain and a measurable loss of strength in that arm.

I was no longer capable of doing many of the things that I was responsible for within our home, namely the majority of our housework, cooking had become a difficult task... with these things I had to rely on my Husband and children to pick up the slack... and I can't even begin to describe how our sex life was affected.

Over the course of the past 2+ months, I had begun to feel horrible about the fact that it was my Husband and children serving and taking care of me rather than the other way around.

I have said numerous times in the past that one of the most important things we can do as submissives, is to be as aware of our own health as we are for that of our families... by maintaining our own health we are better able to serve them.

When I have been sick, it was easy enough for me to take a couple days to rest my body in order for it to have the energy to fight off whatever illness might be affecting me... but when those couple days turned into a couple weeks... and those couple weeks became 2+ months, it took a serious toll on my emotional well being.

I began to lose sight of the fact that it was in the best interest of my entire family for me to allow them to care for me and serve me. It simply is not in my nature for me to sit back and be served. In my heart, it made me feel useless and worthless, even though in my mind, I knew better.

1 1/2 weeks ago on April 8th, I had surgery to repair the herniated disc, and still I have been extremely limited in what I am allowed to do. I have a strict limit on how much weight I may lift. I am not yet allowed to drive a vehicle. Even in the bedroom I am still fairly limited in what I am able to do.

But, I know that I am beginning to do much better. Within 24 hours following my surgery, I had regained approximately 90% of the strength in my left arm, and for the first time in nearly 3 months, I have been able for the past 3 days, to stop taking strong narcotic pain medications and muscle relaxers to be able to cope and function.

My injury could have been much worse... and in spite of the fact that I hated being the one to be served by my family, had I not listened to my doctors, as well as my Husband, I could have caused my injury to deteriorate much more than it did.

As difficult as it has been for me, emotionally, I know that I best served my Husband and family, these past almost 3 months, by allowing them to serve ME, and hopefully very soon, I will be able to step back into the role in which I feel much happier and content, the role that makes me feel useful and gives me a purpose.

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