Ok, so heres the deal. My 10y old son (dx with Bipolar, ADHD, PDD NOS) had an appt with psychiatrist on friday and we are changing a med due to concerns about so much weight gain. The weight gain is a source of anxiety for him and he's been try to refuse his medications and has actually faked taking them on a couple of occasions & spit the pills out later. ( I found out by the fact that his behavior, moods were affected and when confronted and searched, it came out.) So we are now on the 3rd day of decreasing one medication he's on now so that when weaned off, we can introduce the new one that shouldn't cause him an increase in appetite.  As you can imagine, his mood has been affected. He's been more irritable, argumentative, can't wind down.  So he goes to school today (he's in 4th grade) and at recess he wants on the swings but theyre occupied. He tells me the rule at school is that the person swinging counts to 100 and then has to get off and let the waiting person on, so on and so forth...Well, he counted to 100 but the girl didnt get off.  So he argues with her. He tells her he'll count to 100 one more time and then she'd better get off. (this would have been the clue that he was getting agitated had someone noticed) so he counts, she doesn't get off and he physically tries to stop the swing, and is now yelling at her that this isn't fair. Apparently it was quite a commotion and a teacher became involved. She told him to go find something else to do or he could walk laps. My son preceded to argue/yelling at the teacher about the fairness of what had occurred. In the end, my son had to walk laps around the playground and he got a write up which he will have to talk to the principal about tomorrow. ....I get this note home from his teacher about this whole ordeal and i spoke to my son about this .  Yes, i feel he should have been respectful but I see his side to...I have written the teacher a note about the med change and how it WILL affect his mood, ability to cope. But should he be further punished? He will talk to the principal tomorrow and I really do not want hime to have to sit out recesses. The kid needs an outlet for his agitation an d physical activity only helps him. Actually, I'm a little surprised he didn't get physical but the Teacher may have gotten involved at the perfect time for that to not happen.... So what do other moms of similar kids think....Am I being too soft? Should I be harder on him?  This is the line I'm not good at walking. I know I should reinforce discipline and social rules, but the child is on an emotional rollercoaster, so what do you all think?

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Comments:

luvnm...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 12:01 AM

I have no experience what so ever with what you are going through with the meds, anger or any of that .. but I do know that the little girl didnt follow the rules either and when given a 2nd opportunity to do so and chose not to.. your son got aggitated. I dont blame him.. I can see the respect point yes but she should be punished as well and I dont think that your son should be further punished. What is good for one child is good for any other. Hope that made some sense!

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Lb128f
Apr. 19, 2011 at 3:07 AM

The only thing your son did wrong...was that he didn't go and get the Teacher after giving the little "cheater" a 2nd chance to do what was right, fair and the "rule"....I do NOT believe your son should have been punished. However, I don't know what "type" of behavior he displayed to the Teacher afterwards...I think the Teacher could have handled the situation a whole lot better! I hope the new meds help your son (although, I have to say...I would have been ticked too if I were him and it wouldn't have had anything to do with meds)...and I don't think you are being "soft"...you should stick up for him -- at least up to the point of when the Teacher stepped in...maybe even after that point depending on what happened between the Teacher and your son. Good Luck!

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kimbe...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 2:47 PM

My son has ADHD. I could see how your son would get agitated when the girl didnt get off the swing...he was trying to be "good" and follow the rules.She wasn't following the rules. Could he have went to the teacher and said something? Or did he do the right thing by trying to work the problem out himself? I think it was a good effort on his part, really. Should he have yelled and carried on? Well no..but he has these conditions that make it difficult to control those emotions and the adult on the playground should have more aware of the rising situation.I would not further punish at home, but I would talk to him about other ways he could have handled it.Maybe even request a meeting with the school...there should be plans in place..a way for him to have an outlet..or a conflict resolution plan that would be easy for him to follow.Good Luck..I know its not easy :(

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bobbi326
Apr. 20, 2011 at 2:56 AM

Hi, I am a new member to cafemom.  I have custody of my 8 yo granddaughter.  She has never been dx. with ADD or ADHD but does have a lot of attitude and obedience problems.  I agree with the other mothers.  the school should have handled this a lot differently.   I also believe that the little girl should have been punished also since she didn't follow "the rules". Hopefully the new med. will help your son and not cause any further weight gain.

If anyone has any advice on how to handle a who ignores me when asked to do something and it takes a shouting match to get her to comply I would certainly appreciate it.  I have had custody of Athenna since she was 11 months old and am ashamed to admit it but I have allowed her to run over me trying to make it up to her that her parents were not the ones she was living with...

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hooper06
Apr. 20, 2011 at 8:24 AM

It's an age when fairness is important to begin with. With the med changes it just got worse. I would.nt punish him. I think you are all going through enough.

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Banae26
Apr. 20, 2011 at 8:27 AM The school should not have a rule like that in the first place and having a rule like that they should enforce that rule. No wonder kids get labeled disobedient these days. They can't follow rules since they don't know what they are. I would throw a fit to the principle and demand that rules like that be honored the girl be punishes instead and your son be exonerated. I would also demand they drop that rule or make sure a teacher or monitor stands at the swings to enforce it not the kids

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