He is a great provider,he goes to work day in and day out and on the weekends he helps to keep the house clean,he works out in the yard, he plays with the kids..just watching him do all these things makes my heart grow.
But at the end of the day there is nothing for the two of us.No intimate conversation.No "I love yous" No "I can't imagine my life without you" There isnt even a kiss good night..even when its asked for.
Sure there are hugs here and there..some linger a little longer than others..some end with a nuzzle in the ear or a touch of the hair.But it ends there.
I feel guilty for wondering if he loves me.He works so hard.I think thats his way of showing he loves me, his way of showing he loves all of us. I feel guilty for wanting and needing more than that.

Some days I long for conversation with him over coffee filled with laughter..even if its about nothing. Lord knows I've tried. He usually just walks away and finds something else to do and there I sit..alone at the kitchen table...a half smile left on my face as I was in mid sentence beginning to talk to him about nothing in particular..just anything at all. I suck up my tears and go about my day.

Why do I need more than he gives.Maybe I'm just a silly little girl at heart and longs for a little romance...nothing extraordinary...but a little would do.

Its gotten to the point where there are DAYS in between touching eachother.Not even a hug. And he seems so fine with it..like it doesnt even bother him...and here I sit holding my breath in anticipation...waiting..wanting..needing to be loved. I feel so foolish. Why do I need all that when he already gives so much.

I've been married before him.And that marriage was on the flip side. That one didn't provide anything but a headache and no bills were ever paid and he gave laziness of a man a new meaning but he loved me deeply..he romanced me..he told me he couldnt live with out me..he would cry if I threatened to leave him and in the end I left anyway...walked right over his tears.

Maybe I'm just one that will never be satisfied. I need to learn to love what I have and who I have. Its just hard.

Its hard to love a silent man.

But maybe its just hard to love me.

Add A Comment


Be the first to add a comment below.
Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in