Such a scary word.And rightly so.Its a horrible disease that not only affects the person who has it but anyone around them that loves them.It takes so much away. A grandma.grandpa,husband,wife,brother,sister,mom,dad,friend.It takes away the opportunity for new memories.It makes someone who was so strong so weak.It takes away their ability to function.It takes away their diginity.Their freedom.It makes one feel so hopeless to watch their loved one slowly fade away and turn into someone new.Someone who doesnt know them.Cant remember their love.Their cherished memories.It makes the people around them wish they had more time.More chances to know the past and make the future.

   My Mom has this horrible disease.I want to beat it.I want to make it go awat forever.I dont want anyone else to suffer from it or be affected by it.I want to scream at it that its not wanted or welcomed here.I had to make the most difficult choice of my life last Sat.I had to take her to the er.My sisters wouldnt/couldnt do it.We all knew she couldnt be alone anymore.She needed help.It was the longest ride of my life.To leave her there hurt like hell.My heart still hasnt recovered.She went into a nursing home last night.Its was terrible.My sister called me bawling.Her 6 year old son was bawling.My Mom has turned into another new person since I brought her in.She is violent.Strikes the nurses and one of my sisters.She wants to go home.She doesnt even know where she is.I am trying to forgive myself for doing this.I know in my mind it was right and it was for her.But my heart.Well its being a,ittle bit more stubborn.It doesnt want to heal.It deosnt want whats best for her.It wants to be selfish and have her home.I love my Mom more then life.She was my best friend.My biggest supporter.I need to be there for her now.I just want her back.I want to scream at her to come back to me and be Mom again.My kids need their grandma back.I need my best friend.


    I love you Mom.I will forever be so grateful for you being my Mom and my children's Grandma.You were the best .I will be here for you now.I will love you more.I will hold onto the memories I have and share them with anyone who will listen.I Love you!!!!


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Apr. 20, 2011 at 1:42 PM

Thank you for sharing this...your Mom's story in dealing with this awful disease. I'll be saying a prayer she gets the care she needs and that she will be okay.

Here are a couple of links regarding Alzheimer's... Info Support

And, I know she would want me to say.....

happy birthdayto you TODAY! If she were able I know she'd do something special for you! xo

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Apr. 20, 2011 at 2:11 PM

Thank-you Linda.I appreciate your sweet words!!!

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Apr. 20, 2011 at 8:00 PM

{{{{hugs}}} Many prayers your way!


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Apr. 20, 2011 at 10:45 PM

Thank-you.I went to see her tonight.I cried the whole time.She slept so I am glad she didnt see me like that.The drs. assistant told me she has end stage alzheimers with psychosis.Her blood pressure keeps going low.The drs. assistant told me she probably has 1-3 years left.She is wrong.She will life forever.I am so broken up.I hope I did the right thing by bringing her to the hospital.I feel horrible.Like its all my fault.Like she wouldnt be this bad if not for me.She is on psychosis meds.I just feel so damn guilty and like its my fault.I wish I could stop crying.

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Apr. 20, 2011 at 11:23 PM

I've worked in LTC(long term care) facilities for twenty years and no it's not your fault. She has a disease and she needs treatment for it.  Just remember that she's safe and she will get the help that she needs. hugsIf you have any questions you can PM me. 

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 7:29 AM

Thank-you.I will pm you.

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:54 AM

don't worry the docters will help hr she will adapt  prayers

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 9:00 AM

Thank-you ! They are trying to figure out which meds and how much.

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 2:20 PM

Hugs.  My father in law has this horrible disease and the past 5 years he has went from this eloquent speaking pastor to a man who refuses to bathe and doesnt know where anything is anymore.      Saying a prayer for you and your family....

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 2:38 PM

Thank-you.Im so sorry for what you and your family are going through and will be going through.Wish I could make it go away for you.Hugs!!

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