Anyone have any advice on dealing w a 4 year old that talks back and doesnt listen im at the end of my rope nothing works with her ive tryed time out taking things away and it doesnt work . when i tell her something she repeats what i say or tells me not to tell her what to do she definitly did not learn this from me or my husband and may have learned from tv but she only watchs nick jr im so afraid this bad behavior is going to get her in trouble in school or rub off on her little brother as he gets older HELP!

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 3:27 PM

The basic problem is that your child does not respect you and as a result of that, she is also disobedient to you.  And you are right to be worried that it will cause her problems with teachers and with others who are in authority over her and for whom she should be showing respect.  We spanked our children for two things--disobedience and disrespect.  We started long before the age of 4, but I do not think it is too late for her.  She is old enough to understand an explanation of new rules and new discipline and that she will only be told once.  I would start today, because every day that passes with her thinking she is in charge of you is one less day that you have to teach her that she is the one under authority and not the one who is telling others what to do. 

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Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:22 PM

  Have you tried time outs?  Give her a warning the next time she does not listen.  Then place her in time out.  Each time she gets up place her back in time out, eventually she will tire out and stay in time out this is when she will realize you mean what you say.  It is not so much the time she spends in time out, but the fact that she knows you are in control.  The key is to stay calm, and keep consistent with the time out method.  Once her time out is up, get down to her level and tell her why she was in time out, then end with a hug.  Another thought is a behavior chart with stickers.  Allowing her to place stickers on the chart when she listens or does well.  Once she gets so many stickers then you plan a day together doing something special like going to the playground.  Praise good behavior and reward good behavior.  Hopefully she will want the positive attention instead of the negative.  I hope this helps...

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Apr. 22, 2011 at 4:14 AM Try researching oppositional defiant disorder. That could be why the "normal" disciplines aren't working.

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