People look at me like I'm crazy. It is incredibly sad that I have no one to share my joy with. I am beyond proud and confident with my decision to birth my child at home, I shouldn't have to hide it. If they had had the experiences I have, they would understand. If they had had 3 traumatizing and scaring hospital births, they would understand.

Being pregnant at 14 with my first child of course I would listen to anyone. I was ignorant and scared and a child. I still had to do what my mommy and everyone else told me. I was a child having a child. So naturally, I didn't bother seeking out my options, I didn't have any options! 

When my third trimester came about and we discovered the baby was breech it really didn't phase me much. I thought "Oh well, I'll have a c-section..No big deal". Honestly, I was terrified of labor anyways so a c-section actually appealed to me. None the less, I did as my CNM told me and tried everything I could. I did the flash light trick, the cold peas, laying upside down for hours a day, my midwife even attempted a...what do you call it?...when they try to turn the baby from the outside? It was the most painful thing I've ever felt. The pressure they put on my stomach actually caused me to come up off the table and stop breathing. I remember feeling like I was choking and afterwards, I cried. I had bruises, nail marks and scratches on my stomach for weeks. But the baby would not budge.

After my 5th or 6th time rushing to the hospital with contractions and at the beginning of my 37th week things took a turn for the worst. This time they did not decide to stop my contractions but decided to take the baby right then. The doctor on call checked me and felt my baby's foot. So of course, the baby was still breech, footling actually, go figure. Only being 37 weeks there still would have been time for the baby to turn but they were ready I suppose. He claimed she was coming out and ready. I know now that this could not have possibly been true. Now that I know what real contractions feel like I know that I was not having true contractions at all. There is no way. The baby could have stayed in there and been just fine and possibly even turned. But of course, I was ignorant and believed everything the doctor told me so on with the c-section we went. The c-section itself was of course, simple, quick, easy...No big deal, just like I thought. No one warned me about afterwards. I had the worst recovery. I was still not standing straight 4 weeks postpartum, which made it very difficult to take care of my baby girl. Breastfeeding went terrible and I had a horrible case of postpartum depression. I knew that I never wanted to have a c-section again...

 

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