A dreaded 4 letter word...........

[MamaZena]

LICE!

Gross...yuck...ewww...so much work!

It was a beautiful sunny day today.  I had plans for my 2 kids, the little one I babysit and I to have a nice relaxing day, try to recoup and feel better from our nasty colds we all have.  Wanted us to be in top shape to celebrate Easter tomorrow, do a few things to prepare.

Then I noticed my DD scratching her head again.  So I checked...again.  This time I found the nasty little bloodsuckers...and freaked out.

I know it's really nothing to be upset about but I've been dreading this occurance since she started school and I started practicus in 3 different preschools/daycares.

We live in a small town with no pharmacy, hubby went golfing with our only vehicle, so I started stressing out about not being able to get a treatment before Tuesday.  She goes back to school on Tuesday and I back to daycare, we definatly shouldn't go there with lice in our hair.

Hubby finally goes home and I try to tell him my problems (I admit I am a bad communicator) and he takes it as me giving him heck for going with the car.  That was a big part of my frustration but all I needed was some reassurance and comfort that it would all be ok and I could handle it.

What I got was yelling, screaming, swearing and a huge fight right in front of our kids.  The same outcome every time I try to talk to him when I'm upset.  He says he doesn't like being yelled at but when I am upset I get loud...doesn't everyone?

So I started crying, shaking, gasping for air, which only makes him mad.  He just can't deal with emotions I guess.  All I want is some comfort and love when I'm upset, but he thinks I cry to make him feel bad, so I try not to let the tears flow because I don't want to fight.  He always says things that he shouldn't, gets mad and swears, and doesn't seem to care if the kids see or hear it or not.

I cried for almost 2 hours.  Missed Easter dinner at my Grama's, then stressed about that and felt guilty and cried some more.  Hubby found a pharmacy open long enough to get to tonight and is gone now.  Kids are in the tub.  I am trying to not let the floodgates open again but my mind keeps racing, the guilt keeps coming and the tears won't stop.

How can I just get him to show his love and support of me?  Help me when I'm upset? 

I realize it's almost all my fault.  I blame it all on stress, sickness and being on my rag.  But I know I have some issues, I know I need sme help from someone...just not sure who or where to turn or what to do.

I hoped writing about it might help...not really.

They want out of the tub, I guess I gotta hold the water works in a bit longer, they shouldn't see it anymore.