It's been a really rough week for me. On Wednesday while I was at work a phone call came in from my 15 year old sons high school principal.. He said he had my son in the office and there were rumors that he was high at school. He told me he thought it was just a rumor and he was letting him go back to class but wanted to make me aware... So I went back to work..

An hour later a counselor from the school called me. He said it is confirmed, Vern admitted he smoked pot before school. They needed me to come down and pick him up and discuss the disciplinary actions that would be taken. I got in my van and tried so hard to hold my emotions in check while driving to school to pick up my son. 

When I arrived at the school there were numerous kids in the office who had apparently  also "celebrated" 4-20 that morning, waiting for their parents to pick them up.. Here is a part of my confession. I was aware that my son was an occasional pot smoker and had done nothing besides try to talk him out of it. I did not realize he was using as often as every other day. But since I am being honest here I am going to tell you in all honesty I still don't know what I would have done about it if I  had known....

While sitting in the office talking with the counselor the phone rang. He answered and when he was done he looked at me and said "you need to go to the middle school after this, your daughter Meagan was also involved with the group of kids getting high and she has admitted to using it this morning."

The tears that had been threatening me since I received the phone call now poured out of my eyes and I could not contain them. Meagan? My 13 year old daughter who I was convinced would do no wrong??

A brief history of how my world has become so chaotic... In Jan of '09 my kids dad walked out of our lives.. He was very mentally abusive but since I was a "good Christian wife" I did not think I had the option to leave. For the first year after our separation he continued to mentally abuse me any way he could even filing for custody of my precious babies even though he never paid a dime of support.  I have struggled to make ends meat working at McDonalds making less than 8 dollars an hour for 2 years now...

My kids' dad is  a heavy marijuana user. I do not use it, I do not like it. I have nothing against people who use it because I do believe it is a hell of a lot better than alcohol, but the fact here in this story is that it is illegal... So now my kids are suspended for 5 days  with possible charges coming from the police, and my son swears he doesnt want to be involved with pot anymore and my daughter said it makes her sick anyway and she was just trying to fit in that morning. 

I am naive and blinded when it comes to my children. I expect that they are being honest  with  me the majority of the time, but right now my trust and confidence in them is shaken to the core. I am just trying to get through this and hope we all come out of it as better people having learned a lesson from it. 

I am hoping to meet some non judgemental mothers who may be going through something similar so I don't feel so stupid and alone... 

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Comments:

kazmia
Apr. 24, 2011 at 5:17 PM

Stay strong mama!!!! You will get thru this and you will all become stronger!! Don't listen to anyone who has anything BUT support for you!!!!!

Where I am from, Marijuana is legal for medicinal purposes only. It is also very very commonly used and openly celebrated as there are many activists that are fighting for legalization.

This is problematic in many ways. Kids here view it as something to be taken lightly, even a right of passage. This bothers me because I know right where drug use leads!!!

  I see how immensely heartbreaking it is to find your kids smoking and also be publicly shamed. Like I said don't listen to anyone who "looks down" on you because EVERYONE makes mistakes, You were doing everything you could by keeping communication open with your children and trusting in them! Most kids rebel in some way, some how, no matter what rules are in place. Take solace in knowing there are far worse things they could have done, I have known several teenage kids who have used far worse drugs and commited crimes - destroying their families.

I relate to you, my own father was mentally and physically abusive, used drugs and alcohol and left our family because major mental disturbances coupled with drug abuse overwhelmed him. This influenced me to use drugs for a good portion of my life and take the path of self destruction. I got a chance to turn things around, I have been sober nearly 4 years.

I know how casual use leads to addiction which can derail a family. Most people think it only hurts the user, in reality it shatters the family as a whole. It is devistating and heartwrenching to witness this taking place....I wouldnt wish that on ANYONE. Even though we are strangers, I feel for you!!!

I know you can make it thru this tough time before it becomes far worse. All you can do is continue to give your children guidence and support in the midst of your own emotional turmoil. Explore family counceling, sometimes having an objective viewpoint helps immensely.

You know better than anyone what is best for your family and what will mend the wounds...good luck mama!

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Dawn_...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 5:33 PM

Thank you... So much... I have tears in my eyes. Finally someone who understands... I know I made mistakes as a mom but I also know alot of the moms in my community that are looking down their noses at me have children who smoke pot... I don't know if they don't know or just don't acknowlege it... I am so glad you left this comment.... Thank you, I hope to learn from you more in the future... Peace...

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Lucky...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 6:35 PM

Im sorry but these schools have gotten out of hand. They are NOT the parent, you are. You are a good mom, and with that we all make mistakes. Dont let them tell you any different!

The weed issue, to me, I would rather have my kids smoke that then cigs and drink till they pass out.  But Im one that thinks this "war on drugs" is a damn joke! It caused more pain and broke up more families then a meth addict ever did with a needle.

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mom2f...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 9:26 PM

I fill your pain we have been there and done that with one of mine he is older now and realizes it was stupid .Don't blame yourself I am sure you are just as good a mother as myself ,life isn't perfect and throws you curves all we can do is talk to our children educate them and do our best and hope they take our adviseGood Luckhugs

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Alici...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 10:10 PM

Your kids are just going through a phase. I think they need to be responsible for their actions, since as adults thats what we do, we are responsible for our actions. I do not blame this on you at all whatsoever, I definately think when families break apart people handle the situations differently. Did you ever talk one on one with your kids about the separation? Did you ever let them know that things will get better? Let them know this is only a phase and that you all will get through this. Honestly you are very fortunate that it wasn't anything worse, like your kids having unprotected sex looking for that missing something. Best of luck to you, my advice through it all, talk to them, let them know your there for them, it's obvious you love them let them know

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Lb128f
Apr. 25, 2011 at 12:32 AM

I'm sorry this happened. :( Please do not feel "stupid"...I don't think I know a Mom who "knows everything" their child does. I do agree with the PP's in saying that you all need Family Counseling..it will help and it may allow the children to open up to you in why they do the things they do...a better understanding. I think you should look at this as a blessing...if this didn't happen...things could have gotten worse...at least now you CAN do something! Good Luck!!

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Dawn_...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 8:30 AM

Thank you all for your support... We have been to counseling but unfortunately I have state insurance and they only cover 6 visits which we used up quite quickly. I am glad they "owned up" to it once they were caught they really are good kids. My sons school is trying to find me some counseling for him they "say" they can help with costs I don't know how but this morning I called the principal and the school counselor called my son and told him he was proud of him for wanting to stop and that he would help him in any way he could. He is putting together some information (whatever that means haha) so hopefully my son knows he has support and he wil continue moving forward with some support. Last year we went through some hard time too with him having anger issues when he was in Middle school and I talked to that counselor about finding him a "big brother" to look up to but I was kinda blown off about it... So hopefully this guy is serious about helping him. 

I agree the school is not their parent but I hope for some support from them... 

Thank you all :)

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rhanford
Apr. 25, 2011 at 10:47 AM

I am not going through this as mine are toddlers still. But stay strong. Jesus is here for us, you aren't in this alone :) praying for you <3

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cbk_mom3
Apr. 25, 2011 at 3:58 PM

I'm not going to judge you. Last year, on 4-20, my son was also kicked out of school,for the same thing. I cried the whole way to the school. He stayed out the rest of the school year. He went to alternative when school started last fall. However, he has now decided he wants to get his GED, and is working everyday, as well. He's 17, will be 18 in November. He walked into the bedroom a couple weeks ago with a regular cigarette behind his ear. I asked him if he was smoking. He said, "mom, I'm almost 18,yes I smoke cigarettes." I asked if he was still smoking pot,he said no,and would take a drug test. He said he values his job too much to mess it up. As for the cigarettes, well, I could yell and scream,and tell him no,but the fact is, it's his body. He knows the risks, he knows the family history, All I can do is tell him again, and pray he listens before it's too late. You and your kids wil be in my prayers. Take care.

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aschw...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 5:37 PM

oh mama im so sorry you are going through this.  i wish i knew what to say to you, my kids are still very young so i have not been through this.  keep your head up and i hope your kids are being truthful this time.

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