After being together for almost 13 years you'd think my hubby's family would have accepted me by now.  But no, if anything they hate me even more today then they did the day my hubby and I said "I DO" at the local courthouse.  Maybe that really is the day that everything changed......

A little history.  My hubby and I met on the yahoo personals almost 13 years ago.  He is from a large city and a upper middle class family.  He was attending college here in town and never had a girlfriend.  As for me, I am from a very small town and my family has always had to fight to keep food on the table.  I graduated high school and then went right to work working any full-time job I could find.

My hubby and I exchanged emails and a couple of phone calls before he decided to come "check me out" at my job at the local gas station.  For me it wasn't love at first sight.  In fact, I thought he looked nerdy and not at all my type.  Plus I was in a relationship with someone else at the time.  Even though I really wasn't interested I agreed to go out on a date with him and it turned out to be the best date that I've ever been on.  I soon broke up with my boyfriend and started dating my future hubby.

Our relationship started off very hot and heavey. I was his first and he had a lot to learn.  I was his first girlfriend and the first girl he ever kissed.  Yeah all this was new to him.  Now I am not saying that I knew all the tricks of the trade but he was my 5th boyfriend. 

We spent our first summer in a long distance relationship.  I mailed him a card every day just to tell him how much I missed him.  It as a hard summer but we made it through and that fall, when he returned to college, he moved in with my family and I.  To this day I have no idea if his parents even know this.  I still think they think he stayed at his dorm room. 

Well we got engaged that spring and this is when things between his family and I changed.  My family didn't have a lot of money to spend on a huge wedding and being that I am part Native American I didn't want a church wedding.  This really upset his family because they are very regelious.  My hubby was their youngest but the first to be getting married.  They couldn't believe that he was getting married at the local courthouse. 

After hubby and I got married we decided to live with my father and save up money for our first home.  This upset my inlaws even more.  They wanted us to move close to them.  My hubby and I were happy here in the small town and both of us had full time jobs that we liked so that is why we stayed here, which by the way is 3 hours away from his family. 

It took us 2 years to save up money for our first home.  By the time we found our home I was 3 months pregnant with our first daughter.  This of course caused more issues with the in-laws.  They didn't like the names we had picked out (Destinee for a girl and Dameon for a boy).  They stated, and I quote, "Destinee is a hooker's name and Dameon is a black man's name".  This make me so mad.  I couldn't believe that they were this closed minded.  Well after my daughter was born we decided in the name Ashlynn just because we liked that name better.  2 years later we welcomed our other daughter Brooklyn.

Well now 13 years later things are more stressful than ever.  My in-laws hate me and it's causing so many issues in our marriage.  My father in-law is so mean to me and every time we get together we fight.  My father in-law believes that a woman's place is on the kitchen doing whatever the man saids.  Sorry I was brought up to stand up for myself.  Plus my hubby and I do everything 50/50 in our marriage.  My father in-law blames me for us living 3 hours away from them and for my hubby not being able to do as he pleases. 

My mother in-law is very soft spoken and the one time she talked back to her hubby in front of me, he hit her.  Yeah right in front of me.  After that day I lost what little respect I had for him.  Plus he hit her while visiting in our home.  I had to kick them out of my house because no man has any right to lay a hand on a woman.

Today I have cut all ties with my in-laws.  My 7 year old is now starting to ask me questions to why I no longer visit her grandpa and grandmother.  Plus my hubby feels so torn between me and his parents that our sex life is no longer.  I know he feels like he has to pick between me and his parents.  I hate that.  I told him that he's free to visit his family without me.  I can no longer stand by and be treated so badly.  I don't think it's fair for me to have to deal with my father in-law and be treated badly.  This is why I no longer go anywhere near him.

I just don't know how much longer I can handle all the stress this is causing in my marriage.  My hubby sees how badly his father treats me and agrees with me that it isn't right.  My hubby just never talks to his parents about it.  When it comes to his father my hubby acts like a scared little boy.  I just wish that he'd talk to his father and I wish for my marriage back...

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Apr. 24, 2011 at 10:27 PM

Im sorry you are having to go through this. The reality is you come first, not your husbands parents. I am a christian and that is how I was brought up. Family has no say so in your marriage just you and your hubsand. I understand because my husband is alot like yours. He is white, I am black and his dad is a jerk too. Hubby always acts like he is scared to stand up for himself, but after 2 years he has finally taken control and became a man, it makes a huge difference. Sit down with your hubby and tell him what u need from him, think about your approach as well, be sincere and let him know how stressful and strained the marriage has become. Maybe even go to counseling.

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