It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not my fault.

I have to keep telling myself this. Something came up that reminded me of my rape. It is something that automatically causes flashbacks. I have not been able to jump this hurdle yet. However, when it comes to this thing, it causes me to feel guitly. I know that my rape was not my fault. Yet I cannot help how I feel, and I feel like it was my fault. I feel like it is my fault my husband can't do this one thing because it causes me such distress.

I feel like I am the one who is being punished for my rape. I feel like I am the one suffering all the consequences. I am the one on antidepressants because of it. I am the one who has to see a therapist. I am the one who has flashbacks and nightmares. He has faced nearly no consequences. He lost a few friends. He lost his brother's trust. And that is it.

Now I do believe in karma. I believe he will eventually get his fair share. But it is hard waiting, especially when it seems like I am the one being punished. Like I said I know that it wasn't my fault and I'm not being punished. That is how I feel though and I cannot help it.

And this is how I am expressing all of this.

If you are a victim or survivor who needs help, RAINN is here to help. Their toll free hotline number is 1-800-656-HOPE(4673). They also have an online website... And finally if you are in the military, here is the website specifically for you,

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