Back in 2006 I posted a journal completely frustrated about the state of my then relatively new marriage.  Since that post, several things have occured.  My husband and I separated shortly after our 1 yr anniversary.  We tried to put it back together, but it just wasn't working.  So we went our separate ways.  I moved back in with my family to save money and to help them out as well.

Move ahead a couple of years, I moved on with my life, started dating, thought about filing divorce off and on for about 2-3 yrs.  Then last year, I finally said enough is enough.  I came to the realization that I won't TRULY be able to move on with my life until I file for divorce and end this farce of a marriage.  I mean, it had been 4 yrs, hubby and I don't speak anymore, we don't even know where the other is at this point!  So why am I dragging my feet?  He's not coming back and I don't want him back, so what am I REALLY waiting for??  So I filed, made sure I did all my due diligence, even had the court attempt to serve my soon to be ex.  But, when they couldn't find him and I had no other address for him, I matter into hand and filed the paperwork to continue proceedings without him. 

Flash forward to today.  I just received in the mail, the final determination of the court showing that effective Apr 19, 2011, my marriage is dissolved and I can now legally go back to using my maiden name (which I never legally changed anyway).  When I first opened the letter from the court, I had mixed feelings.  I mean, I really tried to make my marriage work. I felt like a failure that it didn't.  Then I felt elated that it was finally over and a mighty weight had been lifted from my shoulders.  And now that I've had a couple of days for the whole thing to really sink in, I'm not sure what I feel.  I mean, this is what I wanted so why are my emotions still all jumbled?

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Apr. 25, 2011 at 11:28 PM

More than likely the mixed emotions are stemming from the fact that it is recent and in your face again and that you worked so hard to preserve it. Its okay, just know that the right man for you is out there waiting to notice you! Keep hope alive and go out and mingle. Enjoy yourself and you will see that this feeling will soon pass! ~Tress

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