**This is a letter/conversation I have on a typical day with some of my friends from school.  I am in a Physician Assistant Program.  While there are a lot of adult students in the program, I am probably the youngest with a child.  This puts me smack dab in the middle of 20-something college student world and Single Parent World.  Naturally, Single Parent World wins, but it's fun to pretend sometimes... **

Hon, you know I love you dearly, and we can say anything to each other, right?  OK, good.  Because I need to  get something off my chest.

I'm not so sure that your dog directly correlates with a child.

Yes, both dogs and children require love and affection, food and shelter, and cleaning up of their poop, vomit, and whatever other bodily fluids they may secrete.  And it is heartbreaking when they whine for mommy.   Except dogs can't talk.  Oh, your dog is that one on YouTube that can speak in three different languages?  My bad.  Guess I better get right on that.  My three-year-old barely speaks English.  Although she does have her own language - only her imaginary friends can understand it. 

What's that?  You are the only one that can understand your dog's language?!!! OMG!! That is SO weird!

Oh, and next time there is a thunderstorm, I don't want to hear about how Puggles cried all night and you felt SO bad for him.  Does your dog wake up and whine because there are monsters under the bed or he had a scary dream?  Oh, the pet psychic told you that your dog was having bad dreams!  What's that?  You performed a seance with a voo-doo doll on the second waning moon of the month while burning hair from a baboon and singing Ke$ha and the dreams went away?!!!!  Why didn't I think of that?  I'm such a bad mother.

Oh, and please, don't tell me that you emphasize with chaos in the morning because your dog scratches at the bathroom door and whines until you are done peeing.  that does not equal running and screaming down the hallway, banging on the door, and bursting into tears because Micky Mouse Clubhouse is over! (Oh right, your dog watches Masterpiece Theatre).  I'm guessing your dog goes through your make-up drawer and you get really pissed when he gets into the good  Target make up, why can't he just play with the Rite-Aid stuff?  They take returns.  (PS, I miss you, Clinique)

Well, I'm glad we had that conversation.  Where to for coffee? Starbucks?  Sure, I love spending $10 on coffee that is half sugar and tastes like plastic!  So, did you go out last night?  Today is Tuesday.  I know Mondays are rough.  Aw, you met a cute guy you think I would like?  How much money does he make?  Ooh... that's nice.... now, here's the deal breaker - does he talk?  He does?  Damn.  Well, better luck next time.  Thanks for being on the look-out.  We better get to Lab, we are dissecting the Anterior Cervical Triangle today.  Oh, you didn't prepare....  right, Puggles needed your love and attention, you've been so busy lately....  

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