So, I went to my first grief counseling session last night.  I didn't want to go.  I had a headache, and I began to hear the little voices in my head giving me all the reasons why I should just skip it.  But I had slept through the last session I was supposed to attend and missed it entirely.  I needed the sleep more.

I made myself finish the drive, walked up to the doors, and forced myself to go inside.  I am a very shy person until I get to know someone, in person that is.  I felt out of place, but I held my ground.  I knew there just had to be some reason God had led me there when I was trying my best to find excuses to skip out again.

Sure enough, the video that was shown got my attention.  The man on screen was talking about a bucket and our emotions.  He said when we grieve, it's as though our buckets get full of all sorts of emotions all at once.  We feel sadness, anger, anxiety, and so forth. 

Other people come along and try to pour out things from their buckets into ours.  They want to help, but they don't know what to say.  They try to give us things we aren't ready for and our buckets are already full.  So we reject their attempts at comfort because we just have no room for them.  They want to fix us, but we don't want to be fixed.

Sometimes people try to give us help by saying that whatever happened to our loved one was for the best, that our loved one is better off now.  We may not be ready to hear that.  What we want is really for people to just acknowledge our pain and allow us to work through what we already feel. 

So, the session I dreaded did offer me some comfort after all.  Although, I left as soon as I could make it to the door.  I did, after all, really have a headache and wasn't up to chit chat with strangers yet.  Maybe next session......

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Apr. 27, 2011 at 10:51 PM

Hang in there hun. I don't know your situation but I do know that even though we don't always feel like we are, we are stronger than we think. Take all the time you need to grieve, only you can determine they way and amount of time that is best for you.


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May. 12, 2011 at 9:19 AM

It is good that you at least have a grief counseling to go to. I hope that it has helped you in some way. Hang in there. Me what helped me was love. I was hurting so very much, didn't know how to deal with all the different feelings I had and still do to this day. However, one day. I was sitting there thinking about my loved one and then something hit me hard. We loved one another so very much and no matter how hard ppl tried to take or diminish that love... it was our love and it was strong! From there on I knew that it was better to let go thinking about that love and how strong it was... I miss my Aunt to this day, very much and I still have my hard days but just thinking about that love, helps me out so much! Take care and think about all the love!

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