Melissa...'s Journal

Grief of Losing My Husband

Well I guess it's time to "tell" you this, but I think you already know. It feels like you've pretty much set it up anyway, but here goes. I'm in love again. With your best friend.

It all started out innocently enough. After you died, he gave me his number and told me that if I needed anything to call him. I didn't of course. You know me. Never reaching out to those around me, but he would call anyway once every couple of weeks just to check on me and the kids and see how we were doing.

We would talk. Nothing major, but after awhile I starting feeling like I could really open up to him. I started being able to tell him things that I couldn't really talk to other people about, and before I knew it, he became my very best friend.

We started texting all day most of the day, and then we'd talk at night after the kids went to bed. I don't know if it was easier for me because he lives so far away to get close to him, but for some reason it just feels really right and really natural.

We didn't really discuss any sort of relationship at all for quite awhile, but when it finally came out that we were both having feelings for each other, things really moved along. I love him. He loves me, and as long as things work out the way we hope, he's moving this way to live closer to me and the kids.

We've both said that we would never be with anyone else. He was jaded from his divorce, and I was heartbroken due to losing you, but something just changed our hearts. It almost felt like you were pulling us together, and we have both seen signs of this. I even had a dream the other night where you gave us your blessing.

I think this is going to be a tough one for friends and family to swallow. I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone think that I loved you any less because I'm ready to go on with my life with someone else. I don't want to push the kids into something they're not ready for. I want to do things when the time is right and tell people when the time is right.

This has taken me by surprise. I always said that I would NEVER be with anyone else. I couldn't imagine letting anyone else into my life. You and I were so close, that I couldn't bare to even think about moving on. For some reason this just feels so right. I have no doubts that this is what's meant to be.

I know in my heart that you wouldn't want me to be alone forever. You would want me to be happy again. I also know that if you had your choice for someone to be in my life and help raise your kids, it would be this man. Your very best friend in the world. The man that you've known since you were a child, and the man that has been like a brother to you and a part of your family.

I lost you, and that hurt more then you could ever imagine, but I'm going to be okay. I can go on. Thank you for your last gift to me. Thank you for leading me to him. I love you, and I always will. Nothing will change that, but now another love has been added. For this I am very thankful. See you soon.

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Apr. 29, 2011 at 4:52 PM

wonderful! and I don't think that was a dream you had, I think your late husband really visited you in your sleep to give you his blessing! I wouldn't think that this means you loved your husband any less, I think it's just time for you to be happy!

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Apr. 29, 2011 at 5:06 PM

I am so happy for you!! Good luck to you!!!hugs

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Apr. 29, 2011 at 8:19 PM

You wrote a beautiful and touching letter.I also believe the dream was a sign.It's time to grab that second chance at happiness and run with it! Good luck to both of you!

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Apr. 29, 2011 at 8:31 PM

I'm speechless.

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Apr. 29, 2011 at 9:00 PM

I am sure TIm is looking down and glad that you are living again. I wish you all the love and joy that you deserve.

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Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:40 AM

I agree with the other ladies, I am happy for you!

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Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:43 AM

Sweet!!!!!!!!! Been wondering where you've been...busy I see! :-) That's GREAT and I know that Tim did help this along and is offering his blessings...what better person for you to be with than with someone Tim loved and trusted!

Please don't worry about what others may think...this is YOUR life and you have to do what is right for you! GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

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Apr. 30, 2011 at 1:48 AM

I agree with everyone else! Life is way to short to not move on and fall in love again! It doesn't mean that you love Tim any less if anything it made you love him even more. For bringing this new love into your life to help you move on. Good Luck with everything!!!

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Apr. 30, 2011 at 2:20 AM

Melissa.... you sound So Happy!  & i guarantee that is exactly what Tim wants you to be- to give you this as a Last Gift says it all about the Wonderful Husband & Dad Tim was- you deserve to be Happy, Feel Safe & Loved- and move on with someone that can make you feel those things so, Please don't let anyone make you feel like you shouldn't- Just continue to Follow Your Heart & everything will be fine- i am so happy for you:)

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Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:34 AM

Congrats!! :-) Life is for the living...enjoy and make it great! ;-) I'm sure you have Tim's approval!

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