sleepymamaof3's Journal

Rants & Raves & A Lil B*tching

Hello, I am new here. My name is Jessie, I am 27, married and have 3 boys (5, 3 and 2). I want to be a good christian, but I have one major problem that I can't get over. Now, I am suffering from depression and anxiety and anger, and have since my youngest was born. 

I try to be a good wife. Obediant to my husband, not argue unless I feel I have a strong case, etc. He always has our best interests in mind. Well, lately, everything that I have disagreed with and did not get my way on (on the house we bought - mulit family - to where on the property we live) is starting to eat away at me. I am so angry with him, almost hating him lately. I hate our living arrangements and there is nothing to be done about it. I wanted the garage appartment because it was the largest area and has huge potential to be turned into a little house (which in the inside already is, just needs a few more windows and a little work on the outside and it would be so nice). He said no and said we are to live on the 1st floor. It's so much smaller here. At the time, we had only 1 child, now we have 3 ... and 2 bedrooms. Before it was what ever, what ever he says is fine, I might not like it but oh well. Now though, I am beyond angry over this. Of course, we have owned the house for almost 4 years. Other things bother me to, mostly everything is in regards to the house with my husband. 

How am I supposed to calm my heart and accept the way things are. He talks of changes to be made in the next year to add another room, and replacing some things and painting the walls. Things that should have been done long ago. But honestly, he holds his word to everyone else, but finds reasons why not to do things here. 

I want to know how I am supposed to relax, accept his word, accept he will do what is best for our sons, even if it does not make me happy. I want to know how to be happy when I am beyond miserable and full of hate for the house and apartment that I live in. 

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May. 3, 2011 at 1:52 PM

It seems to me that we live our lives a bit differently so I will try to make since without throwing a wrench in the whole reason I am responding to your here goes..

I understand you are a wife and mother and so am I and that means we have more time on our hands to spend looking at the living surroundings than the husbands do so  maybe approuch it from different sides like: all the things he is saying needs to be done that should have been done when ya'll moved in could be done to the bigger space instead of trying to make a small area nice even though ypur familiy has grown out of it and really have grown into the bigger area. The house is like a tool along with the a working stove and car and washer machine and dryer as in to do the job of a mother of 3 and a be a great wife to him you need to have the right tools the ones that work properly for the job it needs to do. Like the house it needs to commidate the whole family and right now it doesn't.

There is always a way to turn his attention to something else to please his wife. And as for the blue feelings you feel I am so there with you I have them too. But I find that when I know I feel like that I need to do things for myself that will help me feel better about myself. Get up shower do your hair get dressed and maybe have coffe on the porch or a nice little place you make yourself outside for a bit of peace and quiet before the crazy mommy day begins.

And as for the babysitter or the lack there of well try and make friends with other mothers in your area tha maybe could releif you a bit even if its just a play date adult chatter will always help to make you feel like a woman and not only a mommy. I've noticed that when I lose sight of who I really am I feel the worst and as a mom it is really hard to get back especially with no time alone with yourself or your husband..

In closing of advice that you didnt ask for the old saying

"When momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy" is the truest statement and when you start to be happier about you and life and then everything else will fall into place.


Good Luck Sweetie!

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