how many of you remember being a teenager in the early 8o's? Do you remember how we were still in the throes of casual sex, since AIDS wasn't there yet and the worst thing that could happen was pregnancy, and all it took was a trip to the clinic to fix that? Remember how cool it was to be mistaken for being older,  having an older guy notice you and want to date you? Remember how our parents were not as involved with us because they were still looking at life as it was in the 50's and 60's and it was OK to not supervise your kids, especially your teens all the time because the world was safer?

well, it wasnt....my world wasnt anyway....I was in a world where I grew up way too fast and I loved it. Looking back, I see now where it was wrong, so terribly wrong. I didnt see it that way then. I would die if my daughter now lived this life. But I was glamorous and grown...and at the age of 12, I became a dirty little secret to a man 20 years my senior, a married man who wined me and dined me, took me to clubs, on vacations, introduced me to people as his girlfriend, and told me he loved me. He promised to marry me when I was 18. He left me  and his wife when I was 14, for a woman closer to his age. He was married to her within 6 months. My heart was broken and would remain so for a long time.

     I met him when I was 6 and I fell for him then. He was the drummer for my older brother's band and I thought he was the handsomest man I had ever seen, next to KC from the Sunshine Band... I told him I wanted to marry him and he looked at me and smiled, "baby girl," he said" I am sorry to miss out on such a beautiful lady, but I am already married" I told him that by the time I was ready, I was sure he would be done with his old wife and be ready for me. Oh yeah, his wife was sitting right there. They laughed and I remember her looking daggers at me.

  I crushed on him for the next 4 years. He played into it with me, swinging me into his arms for big hugs when I would go visit my brother and get to see him, always making sure he brought me a gift from whatever tour they were on..he brought me dolls from Japan, candy from  Italy, gold bracelets from Argentina, so many gifts. His wife would stand back silently as he would present his gifts to his "best girl"  I always showered him with hugs and kisses as thanks, and I pined for him in my bed every night before I went to sleep, praying to God that he loved me as much as I loved him.

  When I turned 10, I started developing rapidly. I was in a B cup bra by the end of 5th grade, a C by the time 6th grade started and a D when I was 12 and in the 7th grade. I looked 20, I acted 16 and I partied with the adults that hung with my brother and his band. No one gave any thought to the fact I wasnt even a teen yet, I went to clubs and hung with the beautiful people and I never even got carded.

  My crush was looking at me with more appreciative eyes and I played right into it. I wore tight shirts and jeans, often going braless around him. One night when the band was rehearsing, I climbed up on to his piano and layed on my belly with my tits practically in his face as he played. Everyone started calling me his little girlfriend, and he didnt correct them. We started spending more and more time together....

  One night, he had come over to my brother's apt. to hang out for a while. My brother decided he needed to make a beer run and left. My crush and I were watching TV and I decided to make a move. I climbed on his lap and lip locked him. He kissed back for just a second, then pushed me back and yelled, "NO" I was stunned, I asked him why? he said he was too old and married and I shouldnt be doing stuff like that, I was too young. I told him I loved him, crying. He told me he loved me too, loved me too much to hurt me. I grabbed that "love" and ran with it.

  To say he was not safe around me is an understatement. I relentlessly pursued him, making sure I wore the sleaziest of clothes, sitting  next to him  and flirting with him,going to all their gigs, and making sure he had drinks and towels after a set. I began plotting how I was going to make him mine.

   One day, I made a call to his house, putting on a fake British accent and I asked to speak to his wife. he said she wasn't home and I asked when I could call her back. He said after 5, it was just 1:pm. I thanked him and hung up. I made a beeline to his apt. rang the bell and saw the surprise on his face when he opened the door. he let me in and asked me why I had come.

     I told him I loved him and I wouldnt be satisfied unless we were together. He laughed, not unkindly, and said let's sit down and talk about this. We went to the couch and as soon as he sat, I sat on his lap facing him and began kissing him, I want you to know he really did try to resist me, but this time it didnt work.  I lost my virginity to him that day, in the bed he shared with his wife.

    From that moment were were inseparable unless I was at school or he was on the road. I was practically living at my brothers by now and he was there every day, only going home when his wife would call, screaming and threatening. It became a joke to us, her desperation to keep her husband. I never asked him to leave her, I was content to have him as much as I did. I guess I was too young to understand the dynamics of a relationship and to even fathom how hurt she was. I didnt care. I had my man.

   He worshipped the ground I walked on. I floated on our love. I didnt know that what we were doing was wrong, immoral or illegal...well, I knew it was illegal but I was starstruck, I just figured that if we got caught by the authorities they would be so impressed with our love that they would make an exception for us. I dont know what he thought about the legal aspects of our relationship. I never asked. His wife threatened to call DHFS on us regularily, but we blew her off.

      2years later , she had enough....my man and I were at a party and a friend of his wife came to him and told him that she had indeed made the call, told them where we were and that the cops were coming to bust him. There was almost a riot at the party, people dumping weed and other drugs, trying to clean up and get sober before the cops arrived. A pretty blond woman that had been flirting with him all night came up to him and offered to get him out of there, they could go back to her place. He accepted, I started to go with them and she said, "Oh, not you honey" I looked at him and started to open my mouth, he looked me in the eyes and I saw it. he was leaving me, he took her hand and left me there, I felt as if I was in the middle of a tornado, people rushing around, cleaning, shouting, music blaring, but my world was standing stock still. He was gone. I dont know how long I stood there, but  the next thing I realized was his wife, standing in front of me. "where is he?" she demanded. I stared at her. "Where is he?" she said again. I swallowed and whispered, "He left us, Lydia, he left us for someone else" She registered the shock on her face and I disintegrated, sobs shaking me from the soles of my feet to the top of my head. She took me into her arms and stroked my hair while I cried, she told me it would be ok, that I would have other boyfriends, This woman that I had basically shit on for 2 years was comforting me, when she had been dumped too. It was an amazing thing. I have never been so grateful to someone in my life.

   He left us that day, he truely did. Him and the blond woman left NY for California the next day and as soon as his divorce from Lydia was granted, they married.  I was bitter for years. I ended up pregnant at 14 by someone else that I was using to get back at him. Lydia moved on and remarried. He tried to explain to me after he and his second wife spilt, but I couldnt do it. I finally forgave him when I was 28

     I am not making excuses for him in this... I am honest when I say I loved him and I do feel he loved me. I know it was wrong, so does he. We have talked about how horrified we would be if our daughters ever did what we did. It was a different time...and it made me who I am today, for better or for worse

Add A Comment

Comments:

drumm...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 3:16 AM

wow

Message Friend Invite

Stickmom
Apr. 30, 2011 at 7:39 AM

Scary times...glad you made it "out" okay.

Message Friend Invite

Fista...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 9:35 AM

I am truly sorry that your parents failed you so completely by not raising you with healthy self-esteem, not encouraging you to pursue worthwhile goals and allowing you to participate in such high-risk behaviors. 

Message Friend Invite

sunmo...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 11:44 AM

Yikes!!  That is a horrible teen life experience.  Where the heck were your parent's?  And why didn't your older brother look out for you?  It is so sad that an adult exploited you so horribly, and really had the help of your family.  You were the perfect target.  I am glad that you realize that it was wrong, and hope you are raising your kid's right.

Message Friend Invite

crazy...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:15 PM

Wow I forgot what site I was on reading this. Amazing story though.

Message Friend Invite

mygir...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:24 PM Woah

Message Friend Invite

ms_ja...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:37 PM That was an amazing story...I'm so shocked

Message Friend Invite

drumm...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:40 PM

you are the same anon that wrote about your teen pregnancy, arent you? I am so sorry your life was so hard when you were supposed to be enjoying your childhood. I hope all is well for you now. I am glad you are getting these things off your chest. 

Message Friend Invite

bethm...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 12:50 PM

Holy cow. Thank you very much for sharing your very personal story. Hugs to you!

Message Friend Invite

Aamy
Apr. 30, 2011 at 1:36 PM Not buying it. Sounds like a movie.

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in