Feeling Defeated by life

[my3cutekidz]

My life is a joke.  My husband is an alcoholic who is a mean and nasty drunk.  He constiantly tells me what a bad mom I am, what a bad wife I am, and how  I am a loser because I am having a hard time finding a job.  We have 4 kids, the youngest being 8 weeks old.  I cannot just go out and look for a job when ever, I can only do so much so that we do not have to pay daycare for 4 kids.  He expects me to be comftorable in leaving 4 kids at home with him while I work, when all I can do is worry if he is drinking.   He denies his problems.  Yes we are stressed, but I do not turn to alcohol, I do not turn into a mean person.  I have 4 kids that need someone in their life to be level headed, someone in their life that will be responsible.  My life is a joke.  I have been with my husband since I was 16, I have forgiven the unforgivable, I have stuck through times that most women would have ran, and my reward is to be called a fucking bitch, a looser, and a bad parent.  I am at a breaking point and do not know which way to go.  I hope and pray that when his parents are here they help him see his problems, help him seek counseling, because he does not listen to me, he isn't worried about what he is doing to our family. He is only worried about himself.

[mommydinasaur]

Jun. 8, 2011 at 6:03 PM

Ouch.  Sorry to hear all of that.  Any family you can lean on?

[anichols1]

Jun. 9, 2011 at 7:49 AM

Don't think your life is a joke, it isn't ! Your the backbone of that family and can u imagine where your kids would be without you?! My husband drinks too much as well, so in my eyes, they're the "joke!" My husband isn't a mean drunk but a" mouthy one" and I get sick of my kids seeing him every evening with a beer in his hand! He too denies having a problem. I work and he does on occasion but like you and having an 8 week old plus other little ones, I don't see how it would benefit your family by getting a job right now, plus I wouldn't feel safe either leaving the kids with him! it's frustrating I know!  All I can say is, HANG IN THERE! Be a strong mom, they need you.